2010

I wanted to do this post on New Years Eve. But I am still having trouble wrapping my head around the year that was 2010. I have had a crazy life but have never had so much crazy wrapped  into one single year.

It was definitely a emotionally exhausting year. Which I am still trying to bounce back from. I felt overwhelming happiness, like I have never felt before. I also felt a great sadness like I have felt before, many times. I also learned this year the TRUE meaning of gratefulness. With all that has transpired this year how could I not have learned that little gem?

  The theme for this year seemed to have been reconnecting with past relationships and seeing them grow in a new light. Along with the reconnecting came connecting with new and wonderful people.

I got to re- meet my children and have had the pleasure of building a new relationship with them. Not to mention getting to build a strong bond with their Mom. I can't tell you how many times she has been my venting post and has become someone who I can turn to when I need a shoulder. I am grateful for her and the Mom she has become to our children. I am also very

grateful to have these 4 kids back in my life. Also, for the fact that my Dad was able to meet them and have a piece of mind with all of that. He was able to thank Karen for taking all four of them and I think he needed that, as did I.

Andrew and I were able to move into our new home this year. It is our dream home and we are so looking forward to adding some of us to it to make it more us. I am grateful that we had our new place when the Howards came to stay. We needed the room. They are quite the expansive family. I loved that I got to reconnect with one of my childhood friend and watch our realtionship

grow from one of childhood memories to one that will be filled with adult memories. I am grateful for what she taught me in the short time she was here. She is a beautiful example of what we should all strive to be more like.

I am also grateful for the visit I received from another childhood friend April. We had a wonderful and exciting evening that consisted of seafood and crazy foreign chicks. It still brings a smile to my face when I think about it.

By this time I was convinced I was going to die. With all the people from my past resurfacing. I know now that God knew I needed this and would need it in the months to come. All this good and all these things which to be thankful for would soften the blow for the sprinkling of sadness that would come towards the end of the year. AND he still managed to throw in a bit extra happiness on top of the sadness. I knew that he knew I would try

and look at all the wonderful things that happened this year instead of the huge sad part. I am trying but at times I find it tremendously difficult.

December 16th my dear, adventurous, wonderful Dad died. I am not going to talk about that right now though. Im not ready to delve into the great sadness I feel towards this. The week I got to spend with him when he was in and out of his mind was hard but also a wonderful gift I will cherish always.  He was my last parent and what I thought was the last of my family.
I went to Arkansas fully expecting to say my goodbyes to the last person who shared in all my childhood memories. This caused a lot of ache.

 But I walked away with three new realtionships. Three new relationships with people who have amazing and different memories. Three people who loved my Dad as I did and who miss him everyday as I do. I have two resurrected relationships with two of my Dads daughters, my sisters, through and through. They feel my pain and share the same joy when telling a story of our Dad. Betsy and Anne. I also met Tammy whom my Dad took under his wing and loved and cherished as one of his own flesh and blood. I have dubbed her the elder Tammy. My sisters and family. I gained more family when I didnt expect it. I thought I was saying goodbye to the last when I was actually saying hello to some new. And for that I will forever be grateful for!

So even though this year ended on such a sad note. I really and truly have so much to be thankful for in 2010. Although I would prefer a more chill year. I dont think my little head or heart can handle another year like 2010 was.

But most of all I am grateful for the final goodbye my Dad gave me the day he passed. I got the message and I loved the snow. I will forever think of you when I see the beauty of the snow.