Don't Eat Pickles When Nauseous

2011

2012-01-04T07:01:00.000-08:00

I kind of disappeared from writing here. For 2012 i would like to start updating here more often. We will see if I can stick to that...

What a ride this last year has been. I have learned a lot this year. I learned about friendships, the power of faith, the wonderful thing called letting go. I used to be big on "I will forgive but I wont forget." Well thats not really forgiveness. To truly forgive you must forget. You can't continue to hold things against people. You are just causing more damage to yourself when you do that. And there's no forgiveness in that way of thinking. I still have moments with the forgetting part. I'm getting better.

March 19th I had my last drink and that entire evening is a bit of a blur to me. I have told what happened and I have listened to the 911 call. So I get the pain I caused a few people. I knew when I woke up in the hospital that there was a problem. It took me a few hours to realize the problem was my drinking. It had got out of hand. So I went to a treatment. There a i learned that I was holding on to my past with a death grip, and it was killing me.

I had SO much guilt that was consuming me and the only time it let up was when I had a few drinks in me. I had lots of whys to. I wanted to understand it all. I just didnt want to hurt anymore. I learned in those 30 days to forgive myself. The best gift I have ever given to myself. It wasnt easy. I still have moments where I beat myself up for some of the choices I made. Now I am able to put a positive spin on things and not be so negative towards myself. I don't allow peoples judgement of me effect me so harshly. Every one has a different perspective to the same situation. I lived my life and I need only worry about my perspective not anyone elses. Its my life after all and I have lived every second of it. And with all honesty, I really wouldn't change a second of it.

My past doesnt define me but it has made me who I am today. I really kind of dig who I have become. There are things I would like to tweak here and there and I am working on that. Each night I look at myself and I think of something I would like to work on about me. I pray about it and ask for guidance and then strive to make those changes the following day. Baby steps and its working. I don't focus so much on the past but just on the present and what I can do this moment to make a difference that in turn will effect my future. I will never be perfect and I know this will be something I work on for the rest of my life. Thats fine by me. Bring the growth and continue to experience the glory of self love. In that you learn to experience loving others in the way they are meant to be loved. How can one not be happy with that??

It funny, I have heard from so many people who said that they became so anti social when they drinking to the extreme. I was the total opposite. I became a social butterfly. I didn't want to be by myself. I wanted to have F-U-N!!! I didn't want to be alone when I was sober, not all the time but a lot of the time. Being sober was the chore. Being caught in my head was excruciating and I didnt want anyone to know the over whelming pain I felt. It was hard to be around anyone while I was sober. I felt like a outsider. It was easier to stay out of my head though if I was with others. Put me by myself and I was a mess. Put a drink in me and it was on. So I drank and became social not anti social. Does that make sense?

Now though I LOVE to be by myself. I love being with me. I have become less social since I got sober and its fine with me. Im not in pain when I am by myself anymore. I dance, I sing, I get stuff done. I smile at myself in the mirror. I also tell my face to stop acting like its a teenager. I am 35 my face should look 35 not like a pimply teen!!! I like me now and I like spending time with me.

I am thankful for the year that was 2011. I am saddened that I did loose a few friends in this process. Good friends. It was hard for them to handle what I had done because of their own past issues. So, yeah, that kind of sucks. But its okay. Everything happens for a reason and those people will always be remembered with the fondest of memories.

Anyway, good bye 2011. You taught me a lot. I will always remember you as the year I broke from my cocoon and got my wings. I hope that this year I learn to fly a little bit higher.

I'm F.I.N.E.

2011-06-07T17:40:00.000-07:00

It started Sunday night and is still going on today. Today has been the worst though. I have caught myself many times today looking for that phantom wine glass or getting up to go pour a glass of wine. There is no wine glass or any wine for that matter. For which I am very grateful. All there is is this jumbled mess of feelings that I am having to deal with and don't know how, the wine always did that for me, or the drink. Now I have to deal with it all on my own. And I find it very frustrating not knowing what it is exactly that is wrong. I now what started me feeling this way but that is over, done and forgiven.

I have prayed a thousand prayers today for my obsession to go away. I read a 700 hundred paged book yesterday (to escape my head). I rushed home yesterday after having a near panic attack at Target and have been here since. I don't trust myself out there right now and am doing what I can to keep me safe. Me sober. I have read countless chapters in the "Book" today. Have talked to my Bonnie. Took a hot bath. Spent time in the sun with the girls. And still I am stuck in my head.

Isolating = Bad, but I know not what to do.

I know this to shall pass. I know I am a good person who is stuck in a rut of self loathing, which I hate more then anything. I find it to be quite embarrassing and ridiculous. I want this journey to be easy and I know thats not how its meant to be. I want everyday to be filled with unicorns farting rainbows that smell of roses. Seriously.

I hate the thoughts in my head but I am grateful that I am sober. I also know I am not this horrible mother that my head has been telling me non stop all day...Right?

Count down....

2011-04-16T05:51:00.000-07:00

Counting today I have 5 more days here. These past 25 days have been such a amazing time for me. I wish that everyone could experience what I have felt. I have laughed like I havent laughed in so very long. I have shed many many tears. But most importantly I have found myself and grown in a way I had never imagined. If you had asked me last week I would have told you I was petrified about leaving this place. It has been a bubble surronding me 24/7 with love, comapssion, family, support, and serenity. The journey was so hard at first but so amazing at the same time. I can't wait to get out there and continue growing and learning to love myself more each day and others. I'm so excited to take the next steps in what is going to be my new life, my new journey.

The people here have become part of my family and have embeded themselves in my heart. They have seen a part of me I hadnt even seen. They have supported and cared for me in a way I had never experienced, or a way I was to blind to experience. I walked my road alone before here because I thought I was alone. I realize now I am not alone and never was. I hurt a lot of people in the past before coming here. I was so wrapped in my own pain that I allowed my blinders to shut out what love and support I had. It even blinded me from the love I had for myself. I want to feel this way for the rest of my life, Enjoy my life one day at a time to the full extent.

I don't have any fear anymore. I know that God has a path set out for me and I will embrace each experience, good and bad and most of all take one day at a time. I will face those bumps that life tends to throw at us with better understanding and the tools that will see me through them. After all I can't change whats meant to be so why not embrace it? Grow from it. Learn from it. I have a amazing support group of "family" members I have met here who live close by. I have reached out to a supportive group of friends outside these walls. I have AA and a sponsor. And a husband and family that love me to death. Most of all I have the strength, drive, comapassion, and stubborness thats going to see me through all of my dark times. Lifes not going to be perfect but I WILL survive. I WILL flourish. I WILL be me, the me I am meant to be. And all of this is because of a very dark moment I had on March 20th, and you know what, I couldnt be more thankful for that day. It was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. It gave me, ME.

I'm going to be okay, not perfect, but okay. I'm ready I am excited and can't wait to share my life and experience here with others. I can't wait to take the family I have met here and make them my family out there. We fully understand eachother and that is such a amazing gift. I can't begin to explain what a wonderful feeling this place has instilled in me. The abundance of knowledge I have recieved here from the staff and family. I have had people tell me this is rehab and not everyone will do as well as you will. I know this and it will hurt if they slip, it will hurt badly but I will still support and love them, I will also be careful. Isn't that what family does?

I have to say, thanks all the powers that be that brought me here. My life, its wonderful even when its not so great. And thanks God for all the messages you have so slickly put in my face. You really have freaked me out a bit.

Yup, Tamara, I think I am going to be okay.

LIVE LOVE and LAUGH totally new meaning to me now.

Life as I'm learning it.

2011-04-10T06:30:00.000-07:00

So yeah, I thought all these years I had it all figured out. I didn't, not even close. I figured that out on March 20th when I awoke in the hospital. My life had become unmanageable and I had become a slave to alcohol along with the thoughts that are mine and mine alone. Once I came out of my stupor I realized without a shadow of a doubt I needed help, quickly. Other people close to me figured that out already but it took a great act of craziness to make me admit it aloud. I'm a stubborn little stink, bet you who know me had no clue ;-) I knew I needed help for a while but admitting it to myself was the first step. And God gave me a whammy of a wake up call. I'm glad he let me live, he knows me and knows that my stubbornness was getting to a very dangerous point. He has a plan though.

I got out of the hospital on Monday the 21st and was transported to a place, by ambulance, where dreams go to die. I didn't want my dreams to die. I wanted the help that would make me chase my dreams with a vigor I hadn't felt like dream chasing in a long time, if ever. So needless to say we did the paper work and got me the hell out of there. Tuesday I woke up and Andrew had done some research. He found me a amazing place in Great falls. I called and they had a space for me. I could come now. I decided to wait until 7ish. I was freaking out. Scared like I haven't been scared in a long time. The fear was overwhelming. BUT I didn't drink. I felt the fear, I felt the pain, I embraced the unknown and prepared myself for a journey that would take me who knows where. Happiness?

I won't go in to detail about this place at this time. I will say that it was by far the best choice I have ever made for myself. I have laughed like I havent laughed in a long time. I have broke down and showed my pain to others. I have embraced the stories that others have shared and come to realize, I am so not alone. In fact I am starting to think that there are more people out there like me then not like me. Each day it gets better because each day I learn something new about myself. I hold on to the things I like and try to work out the things I don't care for much. One day at a time and I go to bed now looking forward to that next day. Not praying to never awake again. I have grown very very close to the people in here who are so much like me. They are my family in this disease and I pray we can all grow together. I love them and I love me.

When it comes down to it though this is my journey. I WILL reach out for help now when I need it to people who are like me. I have a sponser who could kick a whole room of ass with one arm! Just what my stubborn ass needs. I am learning the tools I will need when I walk out these doors on the 20th. Each day I will embrace life and take the good with the bad. But I think the good will be oh so good now. I am ready for today, Will I be ready for tomorrow?....

One day at a time, Tamara. One day at a time.

2010

2011-01-03T10:46:00.000-08:00

I wanted to do this post on New Years Eve. But I am still having trouble wrapping my head around the year that was 2010. I have had a crazy life but have never had so much crazy wrapped into one single year.

It was definitely a emotionally exhausting year. Which I am still trying to bounce back from. I felt overwhelming happiness, like I have never felt before. I also felt a great sadness like I have felt before, many times. I also learned this year the TRUE meaning of gratefulness. With all that has transpired this year how could I not have learned that little gem?

The theme for this year seemed to have been reconnecting with past relationships and seeing them grow in a new light. Along with the reconnecting came connecting with new and wonderful people.

I got to re- meet my children and have had the pleasure of building a new relationship with them. Not to mention getting to build a strong bond with their Mom. I can't tell you how many times she has been my venting post and has become someone who I can turn to when I need a shoulder. I am grateful for her and the Mom she has become to our children. I am also very

grateful to have these 4 kids back in my life. Also, for the fact that my Dad was able to meet them and have a piece of mind with all of that. He was able to thank Karen for taking all four of them and I think he needed that, as did I.

Andrew and I were able to move into our new home this year. It is our dream home and we are so looking forward to adding some of us to it to make it more us. I am grateful that we had our new place when the Howards came to stay. We needed the room. They are quite the expansive family. I loved that I got to reconnect with one of my childhood friend and watch our realtionship

grow from one of childhood memories to one that will be filled with adult memories. I am grateful for what she taught me in the short time she was here. She is a beautiful example of what we should all strive to be more like.

I am also grateful for the visit I received from another childhood friend April. We had a wonderful and exciting evening that consisted of seafood and crazy foreign chicks. It still brings a smile to my face when I think about it.

By this time I was convinced I was going to die. With all the people from my past resurfacing. I know now that God knew I needed this and would need it in the months to come. All this good and all these things which to be thankful for would soften the blow for the sprinkling of sadness that would come towards the end of the year. AND he still managed to throw in a bit extra happiness on top of the sadness. I knew that he knew I would try

and look at all the wonderful things that happened this year instead of the huge sad part. I am trying but at times I find it tremendously difficult.

December 16th my dear, adventurous, wonderful Dad died. I am not going to talk about that right now though. Im not ready to delve into the great sadness I feel towards this. The week I got to spend with him when he was in and out of his mind was hard but also a wonderful gift I will cherish always. He was my last parent and what I thought was the last of my family.
I went to Arkansas fully expecting to say my goodbyes to the last person who shared in all my childhood memories. This caused a lot of ache.

But I walked away with three new realtionships. Three new relationships with people who have amazing and different memories. Three people who loved my Dad as I did and who miss him everyday as I do. I have two resurrected relationships with two of my Dads daughters, my sisters, through and through. They feel my pain and share the same joy when telling a story of our Dad. Betsy and Anne. I also met Tammy whom my Dad took under his wing and loved and cherished as one of his own flesh and blood. I have dubbed her the elder Tammy. My sisters and family. I gained more family when I didnt expect it. I thought I was saying goodbye to the last when I was actually saying hello to some new. And for that I will forever be grateful for!

So even though this year ended on such a sad note. I really and truly have so much to be thankful for in 2010. Although I would prefer a more chill year. I dont think my little head or heart can handle another year like 2010 was.

But most of all I am grateful for the final goodbye my Dad gave me the day he passed. I got the message and I loved the snow. I will forever think of you when I see the beauty of the snow.

Dear Dad

2010-12-17T06:26:00.000-08:00

I slept pretty well last night. Something I didnt expect. I prayed to God for you to visit me in my dreams. You didn't. I imagine you are catching up with Mom and getting some good skiing in. It has been a long time since you were able to ski, or walk for that matter. I am happy to know that you and Mom are both together now and you are both watching over me. I couldnt think of better angels to have by my side.

I thought that I had gotten myself prepared for your passing. I knew as soon as you had your surgery on November 18th that it was close to the end. So I tried to brace myself and get myself ready to play the strong role for Sally and those others that would need a strong person to comfort them. Its not working out as I had tried to plan. I thought with all the challenges I have faced in my life that this would be a walk in the park. Boy was I mistaken. I called Sally to check on you and see how you were doing. She told me you had died three minutes prior to that. I was struck silent, I had no words, and found it hard to breath. I guess I wasnt as prepared as much as I had hoped to be.

I am thankful that I got to be there with you when you had your few good days. Most of the time you knew exactly who I was. "Your the one and only Tamara", "I'm sorry I tore your play house down, that wasnt very nice of me.", and you showered me with many kisses. I was able to try and give you some comfort when you were having leg cramps and I tried my hardest to clean your mouth, but I have a weak stomach so had to pass that job onto Sally. She loved you so much Dad and I am happy that you had so much happiness with her. She loved you so much.

You gave me such a wonderful life full of some amazing adventures. Without you I dont think I would have ever learned to ski and I was taught by the best. You passed on your love for the outdoors and like you I find the most peace when staring at the trees. I keep thinking of the time you and I went on a fishing camping trip to Redsmeadows and while sleeping we kept hearing this banging noise. You had your head stuck out the tent and not even 5 feet from your head was a bear banging away on your camping table. You kept trying to get me to look but I was convinced that my sleeping bag was safer then where your head was. I loved that trip and getting to spend that one on one time with you.

I was always your little princess and you were always my Daddy in shining armor. I can't imagine a little girl having a better Dad then I. I know we had some really tough times after Mom died and I am happy that we both forgave eachother for the mistakes we both made. Those bad memories are nothing to me now but my amazing memories I will always cherish and pass on to your grandkids. I have already told them the story of the little indian boy named Falling Rock. Andrew even bought me a road sign that says "Watch for falling rock." I wont ever stop looking for him.

Thank you so much for picking me when I was three. I can't imagine having been more loved by anyone else. I will miss you so much Dad. I wish that I could hug you now and kiss your cheek. Having you was one of the best things in my life and I will cherish every moment that I got to see you smile. Even though you are no longer here I will make sure my kids know what amazing father, husband, friend, and adventurer you were.

I love you Dad and say HI! to Mom for me.

Your Daughter,
Tami (Tamara)

Sigh. Its going to fast...

2010-09-22T06:51:00.000-07:00

The girls growing that is. I'm not ready for them to grow up. I really enjoy the age they are at. Minus the screech owl part. The rest I can handle. I don't like that they are going to be at school full time before I know it. Heck Leia has about a year and a half to go. the thought of her being off on her own for 6 hours kinda freaks me out. The only good thing I can find about that is I will have 6 HOURS TO DO AS I WISH! I will be bored after 3...

So Ivy started at Miss. Shelley's, the same school Leia just graduated from. (That sounds silly, my 3 year old graduated) Needless to say her first days havent been as easy as Leia's first days there were..I totally called that though. Plus Shelley knows her outside of school so she saw it coming to.

Not that she was bad she just wanted a lot of holding and comforting. Also, she didn't want to invite anyone into her bubble. That didn't just mean her personal space but the general vicinity of where she was. Second day seemed to work better for her though. So I think eventually she will LOVE school. But, shes stubborn, like her Daddy ;-), so she is going to have to learn to like it on her own terms...I am glad we only went with 2 days a week instead of three. With Ivy 1 day is a BIG difference.

Leia was supposed to start at lake anne school but

we moved we switched her to Frying Pan Park. This is where I originally wanted her to go and am very happy she is now going there. I mean its on a farm. How cool is that. Having grown up in Vegas all my school were in a desert. Sorry not as cool as a farm. I would think being a 3 year old and going to school on a farm would have a bit of magic to it. Plus the actual school house is full of history and its just full of awesome all the way around. She has already gotten to go see the animals up close and personal. Not that she hasnt already seen the animals a million times as this is one of my more favorite places to take them.

Leias first day of school went awesome. The teachers loved her and told me how polite she was and how well she followed direction. She even got to be the line leader!!! She was very proud of herself and is totally in love with her new school. She misses her friends from Shelley's though and asks quite often if they are going to come to her new school.

So although my girls are growing I do enjoy these little milestones. I just wish they didn't come so darn quickly....

Fall, How I love thee..

2010-09-21T12:26:00.000-07:00

Hey there! Its me the big fat slacker! While I was not updating this here blog Summer has gone and my favorite time of year has arrived. Fall. Since our family had one crazy Summer, to say the least, we ended it by going to Bethany Beach. Andrews Aunt and Uncle own a beach condo there and were kind enough to let us have it for four days. A relaxing trip was much needed. Especially after the stress of moving and then getting the house on the market. Which said house is now under contract as of Andrews birthday and we close on the 29th! Yipee!!!

We headed to Bethany on a Thursday the night before hurricane Earl was supposed to hit. He didnt hit but did make for some pretty fantastic waves on Friday. They were really quite breath taking. No water fun was had that day obviously. The rest of the time there the weather was perfect. Lots of time spent in ther water, playing in the sand, walking, and of course eating seafood to my hearts content. I love seafood Andrew does not. So whenever we head to the beach I get my fill.

Uncle Ben joined us for a few days and on Sunday he watched the girls so we could have a much needed date night. I got my fill on whole crabs while Andrew enjoyed some fried chicken. We got to sit at a bar together and have a drink and then do some walking on the beach. Andrew spotted a sand crab but didnt want anything to do with it. I caught it in the hopes of bringing it back to the condo to show the girls. The little fella was to fast and jumped right out of my hands and was gone. Maybe next time...When we got home the condo was still standing and Uncle Ben still had all his hair. So good night all the way around!

We spent a good amount of time at Funland and I even talked Leia into going in the haunted house. Or creepy place as Leia called it. After we got out of there she told Andrew "The creepy man took my heart" I hung my head in shame and felt like the wrolds worst Mommy. She got over it though and actually asked a few weeks later if she could go back! Ivy was big enough to get to enjoy some of the rides to. I think she liked them...She didnt really show much expression no matter

how hard Andrew and I tried from the sidelines to get her to smile. I am sure we looked like idiots. The things you do for your kids. I think Leia's favorite ride was the god awful merry go round. I hate that thing. It makes me sick then add in there Andrew throwing popcorn at us every time we came around to him. Leia loved the popcorn throwing...

We got to spend a day at Dewey beach which was perfect for the girls. No waves and the water was nice and calm. Leia and I did a nice walk to the ferry and back finding sea shells. I was so proud

of her for doing that entire walk without having to be carried.

The trip was a wonderful ending to our summer. Ivy had no fear of the water and Leia did much better this year then previous years. The only part that really sucked was sleeping. Ivy doesn't like to be away from home and didn't do to well snoozing in the pack and play. Actually she did awful. So that part wasn't fun but the rest of it rocked!

We got back just in time for school to start. Both girls are going to school now. Ivy tuesday and thursday at Miss Shelleys and Leia at Frying pan park on M/W/F.

But that post will have to be written tomorrow as my lovely Ivy Rose is waking up from nap so its time to go plant some stuff!

My life part 4.

2010-08-30T06:16:00.000-07:00

So I have been a big slacker on updating my blog along with other things in my life. I'm hoping I have finally figured out what I need to do to feel whole again and can actually take the steps in accomplishing this. Following through when it comes to myself is not my strong suit...

Have you ever felt like you are so different from everyone around you that you just feel as if no one could possibly understand how you feel? With all the baggage I have carried in my life this is exactly how I feel. So I shut down and dont even try and talk about it. How could anyone possibly understand what is going on in my head having not lived my life? Hell, sometimes i don't even know what is going on in my head.

I am realizing I am not as strong as the mask I try to wear. Frankly I am tired of that mask. Its hard work. This makes me feel like a failure. I should be happy for everything I have around me. My husband, my kids, my new beginnings, my beautiful home and what I like to think of as my fairytale ending to the life I have had. But I am not. I am full of this blah. Not necessarily depressed but more like I am utterly alone. I want to be understood more then anything. Seems like a ridiculous thing to want. I also dont want to FEEL like I am always being judged by people. Even though I know most of that is in my head, I still feel it though. I don't know why but it drives me nuts because it keeps me from getting outside this house and living my life.

I want to be me fully and not worry about what anyone else thinks of me but I seem have to forgot who me is. What do I enjoy? Reading, playing with my kids, walking in the woods, most of all helping other people. what else?

Last night I got a email from a amazing lady who sent me a article about all these famous people who went through bouts of depression, worked on it, and went on to do amazing things for people. I don't even think a lot of these people realized what they have done for people over the years. But before they could do for others they had to do for themselves. I know that I have a lot to offer and a amazing story that could help people and helping people is pretty much all I have wanted to do. I think to fully be able to do this for anyone I have to do it for myself first. After coming to this realization I slept like a baby. I need to take some steps and just wish I had noticed this earlier in my life instead of ignoring it.

This Summer has been full of so many wonderful things it has also dug up a lot of emotions I tried to bury. Most noticeably guilt. Mounds and mounds of guilt. I think guilt is one the hardest emotions to live with and I dont want to live with it anymore. I thought it was a feeling I had dealt with and put behind me but alas I just buried it and tried to move on. Once I put my story out there and had the summer I had it all came back to the surface and has eaten away at me to the point where I just sit in my home most the time and enjoy my children. I need to work through it. I need to be outside this house and these walls I have built around myself enjoying my life. These walls arent protecting me from any hurt.

I titled this post as a My Life post. Even though it doesnt tell you about my past life it does tell you about something I have struggled with a long time but ignored. Bring it Tamara I am ready to face you and all the pains of your past so they can be put in the past and I can move on. Also, rock on sister!

Long time.

2010-08-10T12:26:00.000-07:00

So, hey there, my loyal follower, or two. I haven't updated in a while as I have been busy. Well thats kind of a lie. I have been busy but its not the reason I haven't updated. The reason I haven't updated is because my computer still isn't hooked up and I have to use the Mac. Guess what I hate? Macs. So I have been putting off updating and realized today that so much has passed by that I should have written about so I will be the Macs "friends' so I can get stuff written down. My brain needs to vomit on this here blog.

July was a really busy and crazy month. Not much room to breath in July. But things have settled down a bit. After our Arkansas trip we moved into the new house 2 days after our amazing vacation. 3 days after that the wonderful Howard Family and their 7 kiddos came to stay with us for a week. Not only was it wonderful to see my childhood friend but I was so happy to finally meet her amazing family. We had a fund raiser BBQ to collect items for them to give to the orphanges over in Africa. I would have to say it was a success! They have now been in Africa for 3+ weeks and seem to be adjusting to their new life and finding the path God has laid out for them. (Yu can follow their adventure by clicking on the link above.)

After they left I noticed, on FB, that another dear childhood friend, April from Vegas, just happened to be in DC for work. So we set up for her to take the metro out our way and have Andrew pick her up so we could go to dinner. That was a interesting night. Lots of laughs, catching up, and talking of old memories we had. OH, it was also full of crazy blonde barbie russian chick and her side kick Skipper. After a wonderful dinner at Passion Fish we headed back to the parking garage to head back to my place for a beer and more talking. As we were driving out of the garage we noticed said crazy chick standing in the middle of the garage talking to Skipper in her car. We stopped and waited for her to move, maybe I should have just floored it? She walked back to her car and Skipper pulled forward and the stopped again. She eventually stuck her hand out and motioned for me to go around. As I started to go around I heard a huge BAM and my Van was rocked.

First thing I said was "You HAVE got to be kidding me!!!" We got out to check and look at the damage and see if it was even worth our time to swap info or call the police. It wasnt. It was a coupld small scrapes on my drivers rear bumper. Nothing major and not worth the time it would take. My plan was to just tell her to not worry about it and enjoy her evening.THEN said crazy girl came over going all nuts. I mean like seriously wacko. Over the top nut job. I totally shut down when she started on her rant but later wished I had said something ANYTHING. Nope I forgot my words and was just in complete shock and her crazy self. "How did you not see me!!!" (sorry my bumper doesnt have eyes?) "How could you let me hit you?" (okay you are crazy) and on and on and on....She wouldnt let me get a word in at all. She was getting crazier and crazer by the second. So I left April to deal with them. April hadnt shut down, in fact she seemed to be enjoying trying to prove to them how dumb they were. I called Andrew told him what happened and he said call the police. So I did. I have never done that before and still feel guilty. While waiting for the police Crazy chick informed me "My insurnace wont even mess with your car. My car is expensive yours is just a mini van. They wont waste there time with you" and that she was rude because "It was my language. we speak with emotion!!" Last time I checked "ITS YOUR FAULT" was the same in every language. But how would I know. I dont speak crazy. Well, except when I am pregnant! Anyway her insurance IS fixing my car as we speak!

(Lord this picture is awful and my head looks like a watermelon!!)

Anyway, the night was still wonderful and I really enjoyed getting to spend time with April! It was nice that we just jumped right back into our old friendship and had no awkward silences. I can't wait until we can hang out again!

The rest of the month has been full of unpacking many play dates hosted here. Lots of friends over for dinner and many BBQ's. I am really diggin the new house and enjoying how well it works for entertaining. Its also nice that the girls have so much bedroom space and actually like playing in their rooms now.I cant wait until the town house sells and we can start painting on this house. Its all tan and grey and white and depressing. It needs color!!! Gonna keep some of the tan though as I like tan but not every where I look! So things are good and I will start up updating again!

Leia is doing well. She is almost done with her last school year at Miss. Shelleys and will be attending Frying Pan Park in September. She is getting pretty awesome at the swimming and we have her signed up to start swim classes in September. Her imagination never ceases to amaze me. I love to ease drop on her when she is playing with her legos, dolls, and dress up clothes. She gets lonely when Ivy is taking a nap and asks over and over "Is Ivy awake yet??" She really likes her little sister. Well except when Ivy wants to play with whatever she is playing with. When that happens I will catch Leia on top of the table or back of the couch playing with whatever she is playing with. What will she do when Ivy can climb to where she is??? Leia is loving the new house and has no interest in being back in the town house. he does however miss "HER" playground! Its nice that we still get to see our old neighbors though. She does really miss them....so do I!

Ivy is ALL over the place. The kid does not sit still. EVER! She likes to be where her sister is and when Leia is at school she is pretty much my little shadow. She now house 5 teeth and has turned her screech into a full blown growl. Its pretty awesome to hear this little person growl. She has no fear of the water and tends to stick her face in it get water up her nose and then get mad...She is no longer sitting in her high chair but sitting at the little table with Leia. Once she is done with her food she likes to climb on top of the table and tempt gravity. For a who-ha she has some serious balls this girl. Shes gonna make life interesting for sure....

Arkansas

2010-07-15T13:10:00.000-07:00

So it took me a while to find the time to write this since the last time I did it got deleted! Thanks web land. Although I actually blame the mac, since I dont like macs. Thats right all you mac lovers I HATE macs!! Now, Arkansas trip....

The kids and their Mom and Aunt arrived earlier then I was expecting. Which turned out to be a good thing. Instead of freakin out all day I got to just freak out for 45 minutes. As the texted me while I was still in bed to tell me "Hey we are at Mc Donalds" Freak out time! Like shaking like a leaf on a very windy day freak out time. I was a nervous wreck. The whole not knowing what to expect, rather the kids would like me, if I would like them...and on and on. I slapped on a bit of war paint gave Andrew the video camera, got big supportive hug from Sally, then we headed outside to wait...

Karen, their Mom, called when they pulled into the area my Step Mom lives in, I waved towards her and the pulled in the driveway. Let me side track here for a moment. This is a day I always knew in my heart would come. I never doubted for a moment that I would see these precious children again. I did however not expect it to come so soon. In my mind I always assumed that it would be when they were grown and had questions they would want answers to. God had other plans. My heart and body have always ached with the want to hold and touch them again...

So they pulled into the driveway and I started to walk towards the car. Cherokee was the first out of the car and to see me. She ran straight to my arms and my heart swelled and the shaking stopped. It was going to be just fine. Garrett was next to run and hug me. It was all such pure joy. I cant explain the amount of gratitude I felt at this moment. River and Little Shawn were a bit more stand offish. I asked them if I could hug them and they let me. I really didnt want to let them go. My boys, the ones who I have countless memories of were standing with me once again. Love...

I then proceeded to hug their most amazing mom. This women who is not only strong but a god send for those children. I dont think there's anyone I look up to more then her. She gave my kids a life and made them her own. And she did something that I am sure caused her pain, she brought them to meet me with a open heart and mind. She has become a very dear friend to me. I will post some pictures of her once we get all the rest off of the camera..

The rest of the week was a whirl wind of excitement. We spent a lot of time playing on the river and in the falls. The boys especially enjoyed having Andrew walk up the falls with them, carry their floats, then get them lined up just perfect so they could go down the falls without flipping over. This was done over and over again. Dont know if it wore out the boys but it sure wore Andrew out. In fact he at one time said "Boys sure are different from girls!" He really enjoyed hanging out with the boys. They all really connected and seemed to mesh right into Andrews heart.

There was also a snake catching which really freaked me out. Lots of turtle catching. The baby turtles are the sweetest tings and I wish I could have brought one home with me. River caught a catfish on a kids barbie doll fishing pole. It was probably a good foot long but I hear it has grown to be a much BIGGER catch as River re tells the story to his friends back home. Thanks to Pete, Vikki, and Sally for watching Leia and Ivy while we did a float trip. We spent about 4 and a half to 5 hours floating down the river. We had a small blow up boat that we loaded up with food and drinks. About half way down river we stopped on some falls to sit and eat. Afterwards there was a lot of pushing eachother in the water. It was a really awesome time with a nice big falls to go down to end it. This was the kids and their Aunt and Moms first time to do something like this. They all had a great time and Wendy and Andrew got a nice sunburn as a token of the trip.

We also got to take them to see a movie. Toy Story Three. Andrews Dad and Vikki watched Ivy so Leia could experience her first movie at the theatre. It was a really cute movie enjoyed with lots of junk food. Garrett is a little chatter box so he sat between me and Andrew and chatted us up during the movie. Not to bad though. Leia really did well and seemed to have a really great time with all her "Half brother and sisters" at the movie! We also ate all our dinner meals together I really enjoyed getting to cook, with Sally and Vikkis help, for everyone. It had been a long time since I got to sit with these kids around a table and have a nice meal. This is when they asked me most of their questions. Mostly about memories I had of them. Andrew even cooked a meal one night, which everyone raved about and Vikki also. Another meal that was pretty awesome! I was dead set on doing a Thanksgiving day meal. I had so much to be thankful for and really wanted to have a Thanksgiving meal with all of these amazing people. Just writing that makes me tear up. It was wonderful and made me feel so blessed and so loved.

We let all the kids stay the night with us one at a time. They really liked to get to play games on the iphone while they stayed the night. They didnt have any of their other siblings coundting down the minutes in their ear till it was their turn. I really enjoyed getting to put their blankets over them and waking in the middle of the night to see them sleeping. So different then watching them sleep as babies/toddlers. It was these moments that I really just wanted to pick them up and snuggle with them. They were so beautiful.

The week was a dream come true for me. Getting to know these kids as they are now. Shawn with his reserved ways, his quiet nature, his amazing heart, and his beautiful spirit. River with his old man story telling ways, his spunk and sass, his IM A BOY demeanor but I really do like it when you show me affection but lets keep that a secret way, and his sense for adventure. Cherokees with her total girl attitude, her tom boy ways, her beautiful face and when she wants to be the kindest heart. Garrett with his mile a minute movement, his affectionate nature, the way he can hold his own with 3 older siblings, most of all how he has grown into a truly handsome boy.

Friday was hard. They left before we did and came to the big house to say goodbye. I kept it together and when they left still didnt cry. But the night before we had painted rocks at the cabin as a last night together activity. When Andrew and I were ready to leave I went to the cabin to get the rocks they had left for me. I walked in the cabin to utter silence. I cried. As I am crying now. The craziness was gone and my heart broke all over again. I am so thankful for the week I got to have with them and I look forward to all the other visit we will get to have in the future. They are happy and very much loved by a truly amazing family. But even with all of that I love them and I miss them very much and will hold all my new memories with them very close to my heart....

Now back to enjoying my new home and all these awful boxes I need to unpack!

Trip day one

2010-06-30T19:29:00.000-07:00

No pictures for thispost as I didnt take any except with my iphone an am to lazy to put them on here.

A pretty uneventful day. The girls did a but better then last year. Ivy had some serious screech owl moments that caused my ears to bled and my nerves to prickle. But other then that They were good. I had plenty of fod to stuff in their pie holes and lots of things for Leia to occupy her time. Plus good bless the DVD player built into the van. Who ever came up with that swell idea deserves some sort of reward.

We left the house a bit later then I had wanted. 9:30ish instead of my planned time of 7:30. We still made it to Cookeville TN by 7ish. We had a bit of a late night last night. We signed on our house then moved a few things over to it. Then afterwards we went and had a celebratory drink and dinner with Jamie and Bob, jaime was our loan officer and one kick ass neighbor. So yeah up to late and one to many YAY new home drinks. Signing those papers on the house and then going to the house was amazing. Walking through those doors and finally being able to say "THIS IS OUR NEW HOME!!!" brought me to tears, in private. Had to do a lot of blinking so no one would see me being all sappy. Amazing feeling to get to have this totally new experience for me. Looking forward to the many memories we will get to make as a family in this beautiful home!

After arriving in TN we headed to the Mexican restaurant connected to the hotel for dinner and our much needed drinks. 6 bucks for a 24oz rita and 5 bucks for andrews 34 oz beer. It was needed to numb the ringing in our ears that our much loved Ivy caused us. Then we headed to the swimming pool. Poor ivy always shivers in the water. Its actually kind cute while breaking your heart at the same time.

Now we are waiting for the kids to pass out so the lunch box fairy can come visit and leave her gifts for the girls. I think I may be more excited about this then they are. Although Leia is pretty darn excited.

We should arrive in Arkansas around 5ish tomorrow. Hopefully the rest of the trip will not involve any screeching from the wee Ivy girl!! Hard to believe that in less then 2 days a truly amazing thing will happen. Seriously I am having a really hard time wrapping my head around it. Good times!!

Fathers Day Weekend.

2010-06-22T11:58:00.000-07:00

We usually have pretty full and busy weekends. But with all the packing and getting ready for the big move our weekends have been pretty mellow. This weekend was full of fun. Something we both needed.

Saturday after spending the early part of the day packing we headed over to our dear friends the Daniels home for dinner. Shelley made some pretty awesome ribs. They are right up there with my Dads ribs. In fact i would say they are pretty darn close to being better then his. Close but not quite. She also made some amazing cornbread stuffed peppers. Something I totally need the recipe for!

After a very awesome dinner the kids got to play and act crazy like only kids can do! Lots of running around and wrestling. Followed by some outside play time. Ivy enjoyed the swinging while the bigger kids enjoyed some more running around and acting nutty. They had some ice cream with some homemade twix bars that would rock your socks!

Sunday, Fathers Day, Andrew got a fire pit for the new house from me and the girls. After more packing we headed to Aunt Julie and Jims house with the rest of the family for some swimming,

margaritas, and BBQ fun. I was standing up in the screened in porch while the rest of the gang headed down to their pool. I saw Leia with her arm floats on climbing up the stairs. I was thinking, surly she wont go down that slide by herself. I glanced to see if anyone was paying attention looked back and saw her sliding down the slide. SPLASH SCREAM then me yelling CAN SOMEONE GET LEIA!!!! Carolyn jumped in and "saved" her. Needless to say Leia was freakin out and didnt want much to do with the pool for a while. She eventually got her nerve back and had a good time in the water. She even

worked up the nerve to jump off the side to jump into her dads waiting arms.

After swimming fun we had yummy food and then a small birthday party for Ivy. I had already ordered a cake and never canceled it when I canceled her birthday party. So I was able to bring this to share with the family.

After cake fun we opened her gifts, which Leia wanted to open. I would let Ivy try first and then let Leia have at it. She got a lot of really cute things. Including a cute peace sihn dress and

a beautiful summer dress from Aunt Julie and Uncle Jim. Even though Ivy didnt get her big birthday party i would have say that this birthday was pretty darn great. It was also a amazing fathers Day for Andrew.

Andrew is the best daddy in the world. And I know every one says this about their kids dads. But I can not imagine a better Father for my girls. He is always so involved with them whether it be at 2am in the morning or 7 at night. He never fails to help with bed time, heck most night he does it. He always makes sure to read to them and always

makes sure they know they are the center of his universe. he comes home straight from work and gets right on the floor to give them his undivided attention. I hope they they will always know just how very lucky they are to have him as their Daddy.

Happy Fathers Day Andrew! I love you very much and even when Im being Miss complainerton always know that no matter what you are greatly appreciated and loved very very much!

My Life Part 3

2010-06-21T17:16:00.000-07:00

The first thing I read this morning was a article some friends of mine posted on Facebook. If you would like to read the article you can find it here Rage Againest the Minivan. It made me think of a lot of things. First off of all the thousands of children out there who don't have homes. All the homes out there that could easily give one of these children a home. (Ours included. Not sure if that will happen though. God?) But most of all it made me feel lucky. Lucky that I was one of those children that was given a home. A wonderful home. Sure my family had our issues, what family doesnt. My family faced some real hardships too. Regardless of that I was very lucky and I realized just how very lucky I was. This is my story of how I felt about being adopted.

The only thing I remember about the actual adoption day is just a feeling. Utter and total boredom. Seriously thats all my child memory remembers. being bored out of my mind. I know that my family had a adoption party. Which I dont remember. I do know that I instantly felt a part of their family. There was no trial run or waiting. I became their child immediately. Loved. They never made me feel like I wasnt one of them. Except for one instance ,by my Father, when I was much older and he was in total despair. Thats another story though. I was always introduced as their daughter never as their adoptive daughter. I was a Grable from the get go and feel I was always meant to be their child even though they didnt make me, they did make me who I am today.

My Mother and most adults always made it a point in telling me that I was special. Special because my parents CHOSE me. Me. I was picked by them and that really made me feel good. They had books they would read to me about what it means to be adopted and how there really is nothing wrong with that. As a young kid I never felt like there was anything wrong with it. I did have kids tell me "Oh, your Mom didnt like you." "Your Mom and dad didnt want you." "Why would they just give you away? Didnt they love you?" Im sure I would run all of this by my Mom and she would reassure me that yes my parents loved me and to just ignore what they said. After all I was chosen and they were not.

I had my questions as I got older. Like did they love me? Why didnt they want me? What do they look like? Do they think of me? But I don't recall ever feeling like I was abandoned or given up by them just that they couldnt take care of me. And I think the reason I never felt those ways is because of the great job my parents did of making me feel so wanted, loved, and cherished. they made a point of always making me feel a part of them to the point that what these other people thought or did didnt really matter. I had everything I needed right there with them. I was still curious about who these other parents were though.

It had to do with wanting to know WHO I was and WHERE I came from. Do they have brown hair. Are their eyes green? Are they tall/short? Do I look like her or do I look like him? and on and on and on...When you are adopted a lot of times you dont get those answers and that can be a bit hard to deal with. Everyone wants to know those answers. But most adopted people dont get to know those answers. I eventually would learn those answers. I have met both of my biological parents and look like both of them. I have Chris's eyes. Kathys build. But other then that I am nothing like those people. WHO I am is a Grable. WHO I am is what they raised me to be. I am very happy they put me up for adoption because they didnt love themselves therefore they couldnt have loved me. I have no contact with them now, except with chris, once in a blue moon he will say hi on myspace. They gave me life and some of my looks but other then that they gave me nothing. Where as the Grables gave me everything.

Im happy I was adopted. I am sure I had moments where it bothered me and I just don't remember. I was very lucky where so many other children are not so lucky.If I could have one prayer answered in my lifetime it would be that EVERY child out there that has no home could be blessed with a home as I was blessed. Not only that but that they could feel love, family, safety, security, but most of all to have parents.

Howard and Busby family. I am blessed to have you as my friends as all of your adopted and biological children are blessed to have you as parents. I wish that there were more people in this world like you all.

Packing. Tired of packing.

2010-06-17T10:48:00.000-07:00

My life revolves around cardboard. Cardboard boxes. It also seems to revolve around a lot of crap. Random crap which we have to much of. Im tired of wrapping and placing stuff into boxes and washing my hands ever 5 seconds. I cant stand the way newspaper feels on my hands so whenever I have to wrap stuff in newspaper i have to promptly wash my hands. I also dont like how wooden spoons feel but Im not wrapping stuff in wooden spoons..Thank God because that would be like listening to a room full of people smacking their gum. Yeah thats how much I hate wooden spoons.

So we celebrated ivys first birthday with just the 4 of us. We also went to a little neighbor girls birthday, Madison, who shares the same birthday with ivy. Her Grandma was doing face painting which every kid loves. She was kind enough to give me the leftover face paint. Which I think I may use at my fund raiser BBQ party for The Howards. Ivy is now walking although she still prefers to crawl. You have to stand her up and say "walk" and she will walk. Just like you can say "dance" and she will shake her little head and body like Night at the Roxbury. It makes me giggle everytime.

So yeah nothing really exciting going on here. Had a few dinners with neighbors, which I have a I mentioned how much I am going to miss our neighbors? Leia is going to be pretty sad when she realizes we wont be seeing them as much anymore. I hope our new home will have some nice neighbors our age. With children.

So yeah pretty boring here especially for the kiddos as they arent having a fun summer with us always being at home so I can pack before we leave for Arkansas. But July will be full of busy and the fun. Here looks at our busy schedule.

June 29th- Close on the house!
June 30th- Leave for Arkansas. 16 hour trip that should be loads of fun!
July 1st- Arrive in Arkansas.
July 2nd- Pete and Vikke arrive from cali. YAY cant wait to see them!!
July 2nd- oklahoma kids and their Mom arrives in Arkansas. YAY cant wait to meet them and have that awesome experience!

July 4th- Fireworks and a feast.
July 9th- Head back to Virginia
July 10th- Get home
July 12th- MOVE into new house.
July 14th- Howard family arrive. HAPPY DANCE!
July 17th- Fund raiser party.
July 20th- Howards leave sad dance.

So yeah that schedule is full of some craziness. But bring it Im almost ready!

(So yeah this was a lame blog post...)

My life part two.

2010-06-12T15:00:00.000-07:00

Becoming a Grable was a easy transition for me. They were such caring and loving people. I don't believe there was really anytime that passed before I started referring to them as "Mom" and "Dad". They made me feel wanted way before I became their child. I would be the only child they ever had together.

I remember one of my first meals. Mashed taters. I am sure there was more to this meal besides just mashed taters but they are what I remember. My Mother was a Southern bell and every meal was eaten at the dinner table with a salad, main course that consisted of three things on your plate, and of course dessert. Sugar free dessert as my Dad was diabetic. A cheating diabetic because Im pretty sure all those Dove bars he consumed had a sugar in them. We also always had a water glass, a separate glass for some sort of other liquid, cloth napkins and enough silver ware for a family of 12. (Not really but you get the point) Mashed Taters. I remember when they were set on the table I dove right into them with my hands. I was stuffing them in my mouth faster then i could swallow them. My Mom would later tell me that I did this a lot when I first came to their home. We figured it had to with the fact that I didnt get much to eat prior to living with them. I seriously doubt I ever shoveled any of her brussle sprouts in my mouth though or the green peas for that matter. I Imagine eating those required some threats on their part. Brussle sprouts still make me gag and peas still make me think of eating rollie pollies.

Im sure my Mom was amazing cook. I do have one fond memory of a rice, chicken and broccoli recipe she used to make and was actually able to duplicate it as a adult even though I never knew her recipe. I did however remember the taste. In my childhood memories I remember a lot of her meals coming out of what was probably a new thing back then. the dreaded microwave. Something I hate to use now unless I am making tea or reheating food. Even then I tend to re heat my food in the oven. I still get squeamish thinking about her hamburgers and how they looked when she took them out of the microwave. Grey and slimy. I ate them though. She could however make a mean cinnamon toast and make anyone want to chow down on a some grapefruit.

Baking was a big thing in our household. If their was a holiday we made sugar cookies that would fit with the theme of whatever the holiday was. My memories are like photos in a photo album. So I have all these different photos in my head of me sitting on our back porch swing holding heart shaped cookies, Christmas tree shaped cookies, clover shaped cookies, pumpkin shaped cookies, easter bunny shaped cookies, cookies shaped like whatever holiday we may have been celebrating at the time. Another cookie of my Mothers that I remember were her forgotten cookies. I think she only made these to teach me how to be patient. the tricks parents play. We would set the oven, make the cookies, turn oven off, put cookies in oven and then have to wait ALL night before we could take them out and eat them. I think the fact that I had to wait for what seemed forever in my child brain is what made them taste so good. because as an adult my step Mom found me the recipe and after making them they didnt taste as good as i remembered them tasting. They now taste like you are eating a spoonful of sugar that causes your mouth to feel furry when you are done. Funny how your senses change as you grow older. She also liked to make fruit cake but we wont talk about that because lets face it, they are nasty. Nasty then and still nasty now. Kind of like brussle sprouts and peas.

My Dad was a amazing cook!! He had a gift for BBQ ribs and to this day i still havent found a rib that could hold a candle to his ribs. he would wake early to put them in the smoker and then let them smoke all day. they were always fall off the bone make my mouth sing a happy tune good. I have never tried to make ribs as a adult because i dont want to tarnish the memory I have of his ribs. Plus Knowing me I would become obsessed with trying to get them just like his and as our memories tend to go I dont think i could ever live up to his ribs. they have been built up to long in my head that there is no way I could ever compete with my own taste bud memories. Another thing he used to cook that sticks out in my head is his egg rolls. He would make them from scratch. I can remember sitting on a stool and be amazed by how he would roll them. It was like some sort of orgami project with a fold here a tuck here and then some rolling and wa lah. I think Mr. Miyagi should have used egg roll rolling to teach Daniel a thing or two.

Food time was a such a big thing in our family. It was when we came together as a family. Every meal we sat together around the table. I don't have any in depth memories of what we talked about but I do know it was a peaceful time. We were a family who all liked our food and loved eachother. I know my Mom cooked a lot in the microwave because she was a school teacher and didnt have a lot of free time to do fancy meals but she made up for that with her fancy table settings. I also know that they are why I have such a love for cooking. There were a lot of times we would all be in the kitchen together preparing a meal. Well they were preparing a meal I was probably just being annoying. You wouldnt have known it though. because I was a Grable, I was a part of their family. Maybe I was their entertainment while they cooked....or maybe I was debating with them about how eating brussle sprouts and peas was a form of child abuse.

(I sat down to write this post and was expecting to just go through the years. Some how it turned into a post about food. I dont know why but I find this process to be interesting. How writing my life story is kind of writing itself. Sitting down with a specific post I want to write and then just having something different flow out of my fingers. Reliving all this is also quite wonderful.)

Ivy Rose

2010-06-10T18:11:00.000-07:00

Lets begin with my pregnancy with you. It was no walk in the park and was full of some pretty dark times for me. Around the 5month mark i started having some pain in my hip pelvis area. As the weeks went by that pain became worse. very worse. I went to the Dr. and they gave me pain pills that really didnt do any good so i went back to the Dr and broke into tears as they had me step up onto the scale. Lifting my legs just a little was becoming excruciating. The Dr. guessed that I may have SPD. Basically my body was producing to much of the hormone elastin which meant that my pelvis region felt like it was all dislocated and there was really nothing that could be done but grin and bare it.

The Dr. recommended me to a chiropractor who had done some research on SPD and was able to help me manage my pain a bit. I couldnt drive and could barely step up stairs. Everyday became a challenge and it was getting to the point where laying in bed was the only thing I could do. Dr. Will, the chiropractor had me buy a girdle belt that helped push my hip bones in and made things a little easier. Boy was that thing uncomfy and it made me look oh so freakin hot!

As my pregnancy progressed we had to put a bed on the main floor for me to sleep in as going upstairs had become impossible. I cried a lot in frustration. I couldnt lift anything and was having trouble keeping up with Leia during the day. Your grandmother was coming out during the week to help me with house work and caring for your sister. I wasnt driving at all anymore and I just wanted the pregnancy to be over with.

I was still able to get out and about a bit with a lot of help from your Dad. I had many dear friends bring us meals. So I had a lot of help which I wasnt to keen on as I wanted to be doing these things myself. I was very appreciative for their kindness though. Visits with Dr. Will were my life saver as after seeing him I was able to get around better for a few days and even able to climb up stairs to lay in my own bed. Hot baths became my best friend although getting out of the bath tub was a sight to see as i couldnt lift my legs over the edge.

One of these bath tub moments would be when we decided on your name. With your sister we went back and forth a lot before we finally decided on her name. With you we hadnt really talked a lot about what we were planning to name you. While laying in the bath the name Ivy Rose just popped in my head. I hollered for your daddy and ran the name by him. he liked it instantly. So thats what we decided to name you. Actually I think you may have named yourself. the name fits you perfectly.

Towards the end of my pregnancy we were headed to a BBQ at your Great Uncle jims and Great Aunt Julies house when your sister started to tumble down the stairs. I slammed down onto my knees to try and catch her and the pain I felt took my breath away and I instantly started to cry. Your poor Daddy didnt know who to help first me or Leia. He grabbed Leia and then ran to me. After that tumble everything seemed to improve immediately. Your Daddy used to always say

if the pain came back he would just push me down the stairs. I actually liked that idea! Seriously over night my pain level went from a 9 to about a 3. Something I could handle. I became happy and began to enjoy my pregnancy.

My dear friend, Liz, threw me a nice intimate baby shower. (the first picture is from that shower) I was able to enjoy it as my pain was better. I received, or you received many cute outfits. Some bottle and a few other things. I received some wonderful memories.

Your due date was June 14th but about week before that I started having contractions. Nothing regular or to bad though. So I just figured they were braxton hicks. On the 9th I had them off and on all day, again nothing regular. But they sure did hurt and at one point I thought maybe I should have your Daddy take me to the hospital. I held off and went on with my day. Early in the morning of the 10th I woke up around midnight hurting and contractions were coming every 10 minutes. Around 2 I went and woke your Dad up in Leias room. (He was sleeping on her floor because sleeping with me meant he didnt sleep. I tossed and turned and blankets were a silly idea) I told him it was time, I think, so maybe we should get ready to go to the hospital. We called the Dr and she said to come to the hospital. So we woke your sister up and loaded into the car. We had to do a quick stop by your dads work so he could grab a box of things that needed to be moved to the new office. By the time he came down from his office my contractions were 5 minutes apart.

We dropped your sister off at Grandmoms, to which leia was a bit confused because she thought she would be going to the hospital with us. We got to the hospital and were put in a room to wait. My contractions were quite painful and I wanted my epidural but they told me I had to wait for surgery to get it. Your dad kept saying "This is SOOOO cool!!" I really wanted to just slap him. I didnt see anything cool about my pain. FINALLY around 7ish they came to take me to the operating room. I was beyond nervous. Everything was so different from when I had your sister.

They got my epidural started, strapped me down, brought your dad in and tried to start surgery. I could feel them pinching me and squealed at them so they gave me a drug called twilight and thats all they wrote...I dont remember anything else.

The rolled me back to the room where my sister was waiting and holding you. You were covered in goo but were just so precious and cute to me with your red hair. I couldnt stop looking at you and your big cheeks. My heart just swelled and I never wanted to let you go. You slept with me every night I was in the hospital even the night that they had to dope me up good because they had manged to bruise my ribs while taking you out and I coudnt breath well or move well. but still I had you stay. You were simply breath taking and i was overcome with pure love for you and forgot about all the pain the pregnancy had caused. It was worth every second and i would gladly do it again for you.

We spent 3 nights and 4 days in the hospital and had many family and friends come to visit. Your daddy and I both thought you looked a lot like your Uncle Ben. Your sister was so excited to meet you and you surprised her with a magnet paper doll kit. She wanted to help take care of you from the first day. She was so happy to be your big sister.

then we came home. This year with you has brought me so much joy, and a few days of utter frustration. your name fits you perfectly. You love to climb, like and Ivy and your temper is nothing short of stabbing you finger with the thorn from a rose. But your beauty surpasses any rose i have ever seen. I can't wait to watch you grow and see the person you will become. I am so happy you are my little girl which rather you like it or not you will ALWAYS be my little girl no matter how old you are. thank you for being such a blessing to me.

For your first birthday we had rice and beans from Chipotle. Your favorite!

Your sister and I made you a cake while you were taking your nap. Chocolate with butter cream frosting and my best efforts of making ivy and roses...

You approved and thank God we took your clothes off!

Your sister and I played hide and seek for 45 minutes. You joined in but I am the master at hiding!

Thank you for all the joy you have brought into my life. thank you for the MANY sleepless nights. Thank you for the laughs you have brought to all of our faces. Most of all thank you for me being my daughter, my love, and my joy.

Happy First Birthday my love!

My story Part 1

2010-06-09T12:47:00.000-07:00

I don't really KNOW a lot about my early years. meaning my birth and the circumstances leading up to my adoption. I know what I have been told, which a lot of what I have been told comes from not so reliable sources. except for the few things i remember my parents telling me but then again they were told these things by other people so who really knows what the truth is. This is my story from all the pieces I have pieced together. Truth? Who knows. From what I have learned over the years it seems like it could quite possible be the truth.

What I know for sure. I was born January 26th 1977 to Chris and Kathy Gable in Muskogee Oklahoma. They were young and a bit on the wild and immature side. They liked their drugs and they liked to party. I was named Tammy Marquita Gable and I had a mass of black hair. I came from American indian decent, how much who knows. I have been told anywhere from 1/4 to 1/2.

What I have been told. Kathy and Chris had some drug problems and really didnt need a child at that time (or anytime for that matter) Some how they split up and custody was given to Chris. Chris was a self absorbed, crazy nut job of a man who would rather feed his belly and drug habit then feed and care for a child. I stayed with my great grandmother a lot and on one of those visits Kathy came and asked if she could take me out for ice cream. To which my Grandmother agreed. She packed me up and high tailed it to Las Vegas Nevada where her Mother lived.

I have two memories of this visit to her house in vegas. that is riding on a horse with kathy and being told to hold some sort of stick and to not hit the horse with said stick. I hit the horse with said stick. She also had bee hives which i found to be very interesting. I was probably 2 at the time. I was told her reason for going to Vegas was so she could get custody of me since Chris had no right or place to care for a child. In my opinion she wasnt much better. The story goes that she had some sort of death certificate on him, fake? Or that she had police records on his abuse towards her? Who knows. Anyway she took me to Child Haven until she could figure out how to make things legal and keep me for herself and away from him. While I was in child Haven she met a man in the services and forgot about me in child haven and left Vegas with him. I wouldnt hear from her again until I was 14.

Once Child Haven figured out she wasnt coming back they placed me in foster care. I have many memories from foster care. My Foster Mothers name was Glenis. I dont remember anyone elses name but there were quite a few other kids there. None my age though all probably 8 on up to their teen years. I never sat at the table with the rest of the family. I had my own table in the kitchen and got to eat when everyone else was done eating. A lot of times there wasnt much left but I enjoyed what I was given. Some of the older kids got a kick out of locking me in the garge where they had a play kitchen set up. they would turn the light off and lock the door. i would cry and scream until I peed my pants. When my foster Mom was around she would take me to the grocery store with her where she would always buy me a wind up toy to play with when we got home. I loved those toys and I still remember how excited they would make me. Glenis also had a husband who tended to smack her around. At least once anyway from what I remember. He slapped her, and I and another girl ran and hid in her room and listened to her and his yelling. She eventually came back there and held and comforted me. She needed the comfort but I didnt know how to give it. I also remember one of the older girls had gone to the carnival one evening and came back with one of those HUGE lollipops and wouldnt share it with me!!! After she feel asleep I snuck into her room and helped myself to it. It was worth it. I still remember how wonderful it tasted. I have a few other memories but not of many. their are often times i wonder whatever happened to Glenis and those other children. Did they ever get adopted by a loving family? Do they remember me? How did their lives turn out?

When I was 3 a social worker picked me up and took me to McDonalds. There was this older couple there who showered me with praise and went on and on about how stinking cute I was. the lady really had a high pitched voice and the most beautiful smile plus a contagious laugh that kind of came out her nose as it also came out her mouth. The man tried to get me to go down the slide but once i got to the top I freaked out and came back down to where he was waiting for me with open arms. A few weeks later (Im guessing a few weeks later) on I got to visit them at their home. As the social worker and the man walked off to look at the house I stood in the living room utterly confused to why I had been left by myself and what was I supposed to do? Not long after they left the lady with the high pitched voice came in from shopping , dropped her bags on the floor , ran over to me to hug and hold me and to tell me how cute I looked.

Not long after this The Man and high pitched voice lady became my parents. Dick and Betty Grable. My name changed to Tamara Lee Grable and my life became what it should have always been. They loved and cared for me and made me feel like the little indian princess that my Dad would always call me for years to come. They are and will always be my Mom and Dad they gave me such a joyous child hood. Every child in foster care should be so lucky to be adopted by such amazing people.

Thats my beginning and all I can type for now. I thought this would be the easy part to write about my life. It was actually more hard then I expected.

Grateful...

2010-06-08T17:52:00.000-07:00

My dear friend Beth did a blog post on things she is grateful for. I am going to do that now and I hope when my girls are older they will read this and think of all the things they have in their lives to be grateful for. Even the small things because sometimes it those small things you should be most grateful for.

My husband. For treating me well, for standing by me, for supporting me, for loving me unconditionally, for standing by my side when all my baggage came a knocking and for excepting me for who i am good and bad.
For my daughters. They gave me second chance at this Mom stuff and a chance to do it right even though i am not perfect all the time. But most of all for being healthy beautiful girls.
For all my other children for helping make me who I am today for being the beautiful people they are and the love they have brought into my life.
For my few true friends who I would do anything for and who also accept me for who I am.
For my trip to Kansas and the second chance I gave God because of that trip and also for the amazing lady who lives there.
For Shelley who always waited for me to be ready to go back to church and was there to take me.
For the amazing adventure that will be July. Meeting my 4 kids again and getting to see my dear friend Beth and meet her amazing family before they leave for Africa.
For my new house. My dream house that just happens to come with everything I have ever wanted a house to have. Funny how things work out.
For Facebook because it lets me vent and look like a nut job.
For our security for not having to worry everyday what we will eat or how we will survive.
For EVERY adventure that has been my life without them I wouldnt have become the strong lady I am today and for that I am very very grateful.
For my mother for teaching me kindness and love and the joy of other people.
For my sister for rescuing me
Most of all for God and the lessons he has taught me. For making me survive and giving me all this knowledge and strength. For loving me always and for always being there even when i wasnt there for him. Thanks for never giving up on me. I look forward to seeing how you are going to use me and I welcome it with a open heart and complete trust in you.

Our house is a very very nice house.

2010-06-08T17:28:00.000-07:00

Andrew and I have been talking about moving for a while. We have run out of room in our townhouse as we are both pack rats and like stuff. Him shoes and clothes me pretty unique things and the kids toys. So about a month ago we started getting serious about moving and a month ago i started going a bit crazy, seriously bonkers. patience is not my strong suit and the whole house hunting thing requires patience. So I found this house online and instantly LOVED it! We went and checked it out and I loved it even more. Andrew wasnt very sure but later that day wanted to go back and look at it again. He decided he also loved it and that we should make an offer.

It was a little out of our price range so we had to low ball a bit, not much but some. We stuck with our offer even when the other realtor, he who shall be known as Ass Hat, tried to get us to go higher. First by saying they would like more. To which we said we would cover closing costs but are going to stay at the price we offered. Then he said they had another offer. We said we are still staying. Ass Hat said "You have the house but they can't sign anything until tomorrow as the wife is out of town." So the morning comes and he tells us they decided to go with the other people and we didnt have the house anymore. Needless

to say I was crushed. I got excited and started planning out how I was going to do this or that in the new house. I was deflated even though I knew it was out of my hands and there is a reason for everything.
We started looking at other houses but Andrew kept comparing every house to THAT house and we were not able to agree on another house. We both wanted that house it had become our dream home. I didnt like sitting idle and I knew we would be moving regardless before the end of summer so I started to pack. Give me something to do. Not only was I packing up our things but I was thinking of things in my life that needed to

be packed away and changed in my personal life. I became a bit of a hermit and stewed in my thoughts and started making a plan of how to better myself not just for me but for my family. I didnt get sad thinking about these things I became a bit overwhelmed. I want to CHANGE but how do I do this? Ah, yes that where that pesky patience crap comes in again. It takes time to change and the first step is noticing those things that need to be changed and THEN working towards changing them. So while I went nutso in my little head and packed we got a call a few weeks later from Ass Hat, the other people had

backed out were we still interested in the house? Why yes, yes we are. We said we wanted to stay with our offer he said okay. We had signed papers the next day and we will be closing on the 29th and move in the 14th of July. Maybe sooner. I hope sooner but if not that is okay we move when we are supposed to move. Im not in control of that and I am okay with it.
So poor Leia has been out of school since we found out we got the house so her 2 week Summer vacation has pretty much sucked because I have been busy packing. We have been to look at the house a few times and she seems to be really excited about living there and Ivy really enjoys all the room she has to crawl around in. I have packed about 50 or so boxes and still have a bit left to do. My goal is to have everything we wont need packed and ready to be moved before we leave for Arkansas on the 30th. We shall see...
So even though Tamara has been a hermit and caught up in her thoughts I walked away from all of this knowing my life isnt perfect, my life has a lot of room for change and growth.

I also learned some patience. Something that I USED to pray for every night but after all of this im not praying for that anymore ;-) I will learn it and have learned it, a little..I cant change who I am over night, not that i really want to change who I am I just want to change some aspects in my life that are really not healthy or good for me. I know that this will take time and it will take patience, patience with myself. Tamara needs to take care of Tamara a bit and that involves focusing on myself something that can at times bring me great sadness. I need to do some healing and some moving on. Moving into a new house while I move into a new me? We shall see what he has planned. He helped me see what I needed to see these past few weeks and he will help me get to the other side........Dude thats some deep stuff!! HA!

Sesame Place adventure.

2010-06-07T13:07:00.000-07:00

Hey! Remember me? I'm the one who went crazy for a little while, pulled into my shell, fed the butt kicking machine a few to many quarters and now I'm back to normal and thought I should update! Still feeding quarters to that darn machine and being a bit to hard on myself. So would you kindly take my quarters so i will stop being so rough on myself?

Anyway this past weekend we headed to Sesame Place with discounted tickets as we bought them through my Moms group with a bunch of people. YAY for not paying full price! Friday night at around 9PM we thought it made more sense to head up to Philly, actually about 30 Miles outside philly, that night. We figured if we waited till

morning the traffic would be horrid and it would take way longer then need be. So we woke the girls up and headed that way. Problem was this was decided last minute. So I had already set the girls outfits out on their dressers and hadnt really packed for a evening away. So yeah a left a lot of stuff at home which i didnt realize until the next morning. Go me! The girls did okay sleeping in the car and we figured that they would do fine at the hotel. NO! Ivy isnt real good at sleeping with people which Leia has always been good at it. So we didnt think we needed the pack and play and that we could just have Ivy in the bed with

Andrew. Because you know Ivy and Leia are just alike and do everything the same and yada yada yada...which they don't. They are totally different so I should have thought out the sleeping arrangement better then I did. Needless to say ivy didnt want to sleep but instead wanted to tweek Andrews nose, laugh, giggle, climb, squawk, play, and just party all night. So yeah we felt pretty rough the next day. Next day is when i found out I forgot everything I had laid out on the dressers so we had to make a stop at Target and buy new stuff.
We got to Sesame Place and met up with the Daniel family and ended up having a really great

time. Leia was a little skittish of the rides but the mean Mommy that I am I forced her to try them which in the end was a good thing because I think she really enjoyed them. She even rode the roller coaster 2 times which she is still talking about "Mommy that roller toaster was scary!!" Ivy even got to ride on some of the water slides with me holding her. After a full day at the park we headed to dinner with the Daniels family and Lobbin family.Good times were had with good friends. I can't wait to go again!
The ride home turned into a adventure in itself. We had to take a detour, missed our turn off, got

stuck in traffic due to road work so the ride home took 45 minutes longer then it should have. Oh well. it was worth all the fun we had and the girls slept really really well that night. leia has been talking about Sesame place ever since we got back and loves to look at the picture of her with bert and Ernie. Her first run in with someone "famous"

Ivy- Ivy is almost walking and took her first step today and then promptly dropped to all fours to crawl. She has 4 teeth. Has finally become a little bit more cuddly and really likes to play with leia. She can wave bye bye, loves to climb and cause me a heart attack. She is full of fire and has quite the tude. Where in the world does she get that from? She likes to give open mouth kisses while making the MUAH sound. She had her first case of pink eye this month and that was gross. She is starting to learn how to climb down stairs the right way. And she still fills my heart with so much joy and keeps me thoroughly entertained!

Peace.

2010-05-28T11:50:00.000-07:00

So this week I was faced with a different sort of prejudism, one that I hadnt really ever had to deal with. I knew it was out there and I know other people that have had to deal with it. I try to be such an open person and would never not help someone because of there skin color, religious background, or anything else that may be different from myself.

I sent out a mass email trying to get some help for some dear friends, who just happen to be Christian, of mine who are moving to Africa. When I asked her exactly what it is they want to do over there this is what she said. (hope you dont mind me posting this Beth)

We will be visiting several different organizations once we are there...orphanages, feeding and medical clinics...we will be giving them money and supplies to use as they need for food and school fees and medicine. We are hoping to settle in a smaller city and start a food program for children and families....or maybe we will stay in Kampala and help the street children. We are unsure of where we will be long term...
When we arrive we will be staying in Kampala the capital city as we adjust to life in Africa. Our family is the typical family size for people in Uganda who are lucky enough to still have parents....We want to experience the hardships and try to understand their need. We have a lot of learning to do!

I have a very diverse group of friends meaning, I have friends who are agnostic, atheist, Buddhist, Christian, all sorts of races, and the list goes on. I had a few people who replied to my email telling me that they couldnt offer help to people who were going somewhere to teach a religion they don't agree or believe in. No where in this response of Beths does it say that is what they are trying to do nor does it say that on her blog. What it does say is they want to offer financial help, support for families in dire need, people who need medical attention, children who need homes, food, shelter, medicine, I think you get the idea. They arent out there to convert people they are out there to help others and if people want to know there beliefs they will happily share it. If people decide they want to have a relationship with God they will help them find the way. But have no want to shove what they feel or believe down anyones throat. they however have complete trust in God and I see nothing wrong with what they believe. And yes they feel that helping others by sacrificing themselves is what God has called them to do. Please tell me how doing for another human being is wrong? leave your religious beliefs out of it...

I dont know why these responses bothered me so badily but it did. I didnt care that they couldnt help but I did care for their reasons behind it. I find it hard to say I cant help you because your race, because you are religious, because you are this or that. It makes no sense to me what so ever. It saddens me deeply that their are people out there like that and I wish i could change that more then anything. I guess this is a issue I need to work on. I love every single one of my friends dearly and would not help them because I dont agree with what they believe. i would help regardless, maybe not the way you would want me to help but I would do what I could. I would also not let what a strangers beliefs are be the deciding factor on whether I would help a person or not.

These are just my thoughts and how I feel and I hope I havent offended anyone but writing this. But I needed to get it off my chest. It is my blog after all and maybe now that I have written it i will be able to sleep instead of thinking about it all night. Crazy lady that I am.

Anyway I am going to post what I sent out earlier this week and if you would like to help please let me know via email or comment here.

Hello everyone-

If all of you could take a few minutes to read through this and the link to the blog I have attached I would be very thankful.

My childhood friend Beth, whom I have known since I was three, and her Husband jeremy, who is a youth pastor in Las Vegas, and their 7 kids, 3 who are adopted, are coming to spend a week with us in July. After they leave here they will be flying directly to Africa to do mission work with orphans and families over there. Beth had asked me if I could take her to Target and Costco while she was here so she could purchase some storage containers and non perishable food items. Plus a few other necessities that are hard to come by in Africa.

I am in total awe of what they are doing and find their faith in God to be overwhelming. To leave your home and sell pretty much all of your earthly possession so you can go help others is amazing to me. I really don't think i could do it.

Heres a few things she had said she would want to buy and a few requests her kids put in. I know looking through my pantry I was able to find some of these things.

Peanut Butter
tampons
sanitary napkins
tooth paste
deodorant
ramen noodles
granola bars
other individually wrapped items
other non perishable food items

Things her kids would like
Fiery fritos
chips
gum (sugar free)
beef jerky
single servings of crystal light
powder gatorade
candy that wont melt
peanut butter crackers

I plan to go out and buy the storage tubs for her and to help with the cost for items to fly with them. If you would be interested in donating any of the things above I know they would greatly appreciate it. If you would prefer to make a small cash donation she has informed me that any money will go directly to orphans or families in need over in Africa. My hope is to do a fund raiser BBQ dinner for them while they are here. (Seeing as I live in a small town house I am trying to figure out a way to pull this off!) If you would be interested in coming to that so you can meet this truly amazing family please let me know and I will put you on the invite.

If you have any question or feel you would like to help them out please email me at tamara.danforth@gmail.com. If donating money please email me and I can tell you what to do to have your donation be tax deductible
.
If you would like to read more about their family please visit their website at http://dangthatsalotofkids.blogspot.com/2010/05/our-plans.html

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and I hope this families story touches you as much as it has touched me.

Tamara Danforth

The BEST Mothers Day weekend that EVER was!

2010-05-12T09:35:00.000-07:00

I don't think I could have wished for a better Mothers Day weekend. It was by far the greatest Mothers day I have EVER had.

Saturday was spent trying to figure out what I wanted for Mothers Day. I thought about getting and ipad but after reading about it online I decided to wait for the next one to come out. Instead Andrew ended up getting me a beautiful bedspread from Anthropology. Love it and it is so very soft! Andrew did some cleaning of the garage and we had Leias new neighbor friend over for lunch, Casey, who is 8. She had been playing on the playground with Leia for a while and said

that her Mom was in the hospital. So we ended up having her over for lunch. She was just a really sweet and cute kid. Even when Leia was being sassy.

That afternoon we had talked about going out to dinner at Cheesecake factory but I decided I would much rather BBQ. So we made some yummy hamburgers with bell peps, onions and jalapenos mixed all in them. DELISH! I made my dear friend Melissa's yummy salad with homemade dressing and roasted ramen noodles and walnuts plus some corn with roasted red pepes and basil. We then invited our neighbors Bob and Jamie over to share in the yummyness! We didnt eat until pretty late because who knew that wind makes BBQin hard?It was a perfect dinner with wonderful friends with a horrid movie watched.

Sunday we woke up got ready and headed to Harpers Ferry one of my most favorite places to go. I hadnt been since my friend Jens bachleroette party and was happy to we were

going. I was very excited that we would be spending the day with nature and enjoying the beauty that is Harpers ferry. I had 2 things I wanted to happen while we were there. One- I wanted Leia to get to feed the geese or at least get to see them up close. And two- I wanted her to see the train up close. She loves trains and they have one that goes right through the town. You can stand right by the tracks at a old train station and watch it zoom by. I knew she would love it!

I like to park away from the town and walk to it. It is such a beautiful walk by the river with all the

the old buildings and brick tunnels that used to bring water to the town back during the civil war period. Plus you have the trees and total silence with the sounds of the trees and the sounds of the birds. i really can't think of anything more beautiful then that. Nature brings a sort of peace to me like nothing else can. We stopped along the way to the town and took some pictures and to take some breaks. We switched paths to take and ended up picking the path that had lots of sand on it. Have you ever tried to push a stroller through sand? No, because you know better then that? Thanks for telling me about that fun experience

ahead of time. That was quite the adventure and I even enjoyed that.

When we got to town we tried to hunt down some geese but couldnt find any. I was bummed. So we headed to lunch and while eating lunch Shawn, River, Cherokee, and Garrett called me to wish me a happy Mothers Day. To have them call this day swelled my heart to overflowing. It brought tears to my eyes and made the day so much better. It also made me wonder if Adora was okay and what she was doing.

After lunch we headed over to the old train depot to see if we could wait on a train to come. On the way there we heard a train come by, so we missed that one. Then we saw a clown doing face paintings and balloon animals for free. So we stopped so Leia could have that fun. While she was having her face painted ANOTHER trains passed through. Another train she missed...We headed up to the train depot anyway to wait a bit. We laid out some pennies on the track just in case the train came again while we were gone.

So there a huge church on the hill looking over

the town which Leia promptly called a castle. We decided to walk up to the "castle" so she could see it up close. Its quite the hike straight up. They also had a hike that went further up the hill past the "castle" so we decided to ditch the strollers and walk that way. It was simply breath taking and Leia did real well walking. There is some old ruins from a old church that I believe had burnt down, been re-built and then later abandoned. It was neat to get and walk around in it and imagine all the stories that had once been a part of it but were now gone. The lives that had touched this place at one time. The picture of me and Leia at the top is inside the ruins. I didn't ever want to leave the quiet once again was breath taking.

After about a hour or longer we headed back down the hill to walk back to the train depot and see if we could get lucky. After waiting for about 15 minutes Andrew said I hear a train

in the distnace so we waitid. And sure enough a train came zooming through. Leia held onto Andrew with a nice little grip and enjoyed the train passing by. It was loud and we expected this to scare Ivy "out of crap" (as Leia says) but it didnt and she just watched it zoom by. leia seemed to really enjoy it and I was so very happy that one of the things I wanted for her happened. Plus she got some smashed pennies as a token for the long wait!

We then headed to get some food at Secret Six tavern and then afterwards to get Leia a ice cream sunday and a funnel cake. We took our deserts over to the field to eat. I think ivy enjoyed sucking

the dirt off rocks more then the sweets. Go immune system building! We decided that we should probably start heading back home as we had already been there for 6+ hours and the girls were sleepy. Then low and behold GEESE! I walked pretty quickly to them because there were only 2 and I didnt want them to leave before we got to them. So I broke out all the food I had brought just for them and started to feed them. More and more started to waddle on over for the free meal. I noticed their were 2 goslings that werent very interested in the food. So I worked on getting the geese as close to me as possible.

which in turn got the goslings closer to me. Then I threw the food further away so the geese would move further out. When they were a safe distance away I scooped up one of the babies and high tailed it to Leia. I knew I wouldnt have much time. When I got over there Andrew said "WHAT are you DOING? Those geese will KILL you!" After Leia got to pet it, with me glancing over my shoulder to make sure I wasnt about to get attacked I let the little fella go. It was so wonderful that not only did she get to see the geese but she also got to pet one. She LOVED it!

On the way home Adora called to wish me a Happy Moms day. She is doing well. Not doing what i would like her to do but she is happy, somewhat, has a roof over her shoulders and is well fed. It was a lovely convo and again I wanted to cry not just because she called but also for my little girl lost. For the mistake I have made with her and for the fact that I can't help her right now. In time though.

This was the first Mothers day that I have heard from all 7 of my children. This is the first Mothers day that touched me in so many ways. I not only had a amazing day with my husband who is the love of my life and is the most accepting, loving, caring, patient man I know. Plus my two little angels who bring my heart so much joy. But I also got to hear from my 5 other ones who are always in my heart and thoughts. It was a complete day. It was a special day. It was a full circle sort of day that brought me so much joy and love. I just can't imagine

how this day could have been any better. I wish I knew how to put into words how incredibly wonderful and special this day was for me. It was Mothers day and in a way my first Mothers day filled with love from each and every one of my children. ALL of them at the same time putting the Happy in my Mothers Day.

Thank you God for making this day so wonderful. For putting so many amazing aspects into this day. For giving me a second chance at life with a amazing husband and most of all thank you for making me a Mother.

The show that almost wasnt...

2010-05-10T12:16:00.000-07:00

So a while back Andrew got tickets for Angels and Airwaves at 9:30 club
which is a really small venue so the music always sounds great. Our neighbor and friend Jamie was going with us. Andrew has a bad habit of putting all his important papers around my computer, where they don't go, so when I always gather them up and set them on the landing to go downstairs. Where they do go, you know in the filing cabinet with important stuff belongs. That way the kids can't get into them and they don't get mixed up with all my "unimportant" papers. So when I clean up all the papers scattered around my computer sometimes I will just throw stuff away. Like envelopes and such.

So Thursday at 6, when we were supposed to leave to drop the kids of and then have dinner, Andrew runs inside to get the tickets which he left by my computer where.....important stuff does NOT go! Well guess what they werent there. So mass tear my house to shreds begun. He had put them in a unmarked envelope with some other concert tickets for later this month. Unmarked envelopes are what I tend to throw away. So I dug through the trash he dug through all the papers some papers which go all the way back to 2002. Needless to say their were papers EVERYWHERE! Huge mess. We spent 2+ hours

looking while Jamie's positive attitude kept us looking. I was irritated and andrew was feeling bad. We had some tickets with those tickets that belonged to other people. So when we had just given up Andrew found the tickets in a envelope inside another envelope in the basement. So we rushed to drop the kids off and headed to the club and made it there 10 minutes before Angels went on. I think all the adventure just getting to the show made it that much better. It was a great show and Jamie and I were able to weasel our way up pretty close to the stage. Jamie and I had a ball dancing and singing along. I have to say good

times were had and I am happy we made the show.
We didnt make it home until late so I was quite tired the next daybut was able to enjoy a wonderful lunch with my kids, hubby, step mom and sister. After lunch we went and had ice cream and then I spent the rest of the day resting. Was hoping to do something with them that evening but they had other plans plus I was just so darn tired. Ended up missing game night which bummed me out as I LOVE games.
YAY for music and family!

2010-05-06T12:28:00.000-07:00

So, yeah, I havent updated in a while. We have all been snotty and cranky here at the Danforth house so didn't want to bore you with a big fat whiney post about totally awful and stabby we all felt. I saved all that for Facebook. Andrew was the only one who seems to be feeling fine.

Andrew is the president of our HOA board here and worked with the others guys on the board and got rid of this horrible excuse for a playground. All it really did was implant lovely splinters in all the kiddos in the neighborhood. They started on Tuesday of last week and finished Last friday

afternoon. Its been great even Ivy gets a lot of enjoyment out of it. The only downside is that Leia is able to see it every second of everyday out our windows....Its nice that now all we have to do is walk out our front door to go to the playground. I really like to look out my window and see all the neighborhood kids having the times of their lives. Plus they are no longer playing in the street. We have also met a lot of our neighbors and come to find out there are really a ton of kids Leias age around here. So its kind of brought the neighborhood together. Next on my party planning list is a neighborhood block party...

Oh, also, Leia helped put fliers on all 150 door throughout our neighborhood to explain to everyone about the construction. She was a big help and really got a kick out of folding the papers and sticking them in the doors. She is also good at saying "Those kids out there need to get off the playground and go home since I have to be home."

Anyway thats my update not much to talk about. That is the biggest thing. I really need to start writing more about myslef in here so the girls can learn WHO I am...maybe another day.

Splendid weekend

2010-04-26T10:40:00.000-07:00

First of all look at that word 'Splendid' tell me that word doesn't look full of weird? It just doesn't look right. I like the sound of that word SPLENDID but I sure could do without the way it looks...Hmmm...I don't think this word can be trusted.

Moving on. I can't seem to find my camera and am being lazy and really have no want to look for it so This post is just going to be my words and a few pictures from the past that I find to be ,herE it comes, SPLENDID!

Friday my dear friend Casey called me around 5 to see if I wanted to go to Clydes in Willow Creek Farm. Man, I wish I had had my camera. This place is simply beautiful. Its a restaurant in a cluster of buildings dating all the way back to the 1700's. It is also huge with a gorgeous patios in the middle that makes you think a bit of of New orleans. They have a big koi pond in the middle and just these really amazing building with photos everywhere. breath taking. Rich in history. We ended up sitting at the bar that was in a old barn and played Catch Phrase with a few other random people sitting at the bar. I love random moments like this. I also love hearing the stories that complete strangers have to tell. I like feeling like a part of the people around you. It was a early night and I was home by 8:30. LOVE it.

I ended my evening with a lovely convo with the kids and their

Mom. They had the phone on speaker phone and I really enjoyed just listening to them all interact with each other. Its so strange to have my memories of them and how they once were and to hear how they are now. Surreal. Cherokee was at a sleep over so i didn't get to talk to her. But the boys all seemed to be having the times of their lives. Building a coon trap and chasing their dogs around. Acting like boys with so much life and just so different from the memories I have. New memories are being made though but my old memories of them will always stay near and dear to my heart.

Saturday was spent doing my homework for my Starting Points class for church and laundry. I despise laundry. But I really enjoyed listening to my CD's that go with my class, I guess its called a class? I really enjoyed hearing all the stories about Abraham and caught myself singing the father Abraham song. Ah, funny story.
So I have been trying to break the habit of saying "Oh my god" because, well one its not nice and 2 Leia started saying it. So I told her we don't say "Oh my God" because I think its a bad word to say and its not very nice. I told her she should say oh my goodness/gosh. So these Cd's talk a lot about God among other things. So everytime they would say GOD she would get all huffy and say "Moooom, that man is saying a mean word. Thats bad and he shouldnt be saying that. He needs to say goodness or gosh." So yeah try explaining all that to a 3 year old...

Later that evening we meet up with Dan and Stephanie for dinner at Macaroni grill. We had a little confusion as they went to one MG and we went to another but in the end we found each other at the RIGHT Macaroni grill. Dinner was nice and it lovely to get to spend some time with friend we haven't seen as a family in a long time. The kids did great even Jax although he wasn't so keen on being held by anyone but his Mommy. After dinner we wandered over to the mall to have ice cream. Ivy loves the ice cream and Leia loved feeding it to her. Ivy gets all twitchy, kicky, and a bit of a quiet screech when she is tired of waiting for a bite. But Leia was on top of it and kept the bites coming for her. After ice cream Daddy took Leia on the carousel which isn't very big so it tends to make us un-cool grown ups dizzy. We stayed to the side of it and watched Andrew and Leia go round and round. We weren't even on the ride and it caused us to get a bit diizy. At one point as Andrew and Leia were going by Andrew asked "Is it ever going to

stop...." Twas a lovely evening!

Sunday I finally think I figured out a routine to get Leia and I out the door in time to make it to church. Myself up first and ready then wake her up and get her ready and fed, although getting her fed means she eats in the car. This was my first day of my Starting Point classes. I was a bit nervous as I always get when around a group of totally new people. Shelley joined me for my first class so I would at least have one person there I knew then next week I am on my own. I really enjoyed the class and listening to everyones stories. As I have said before I love to hear peoples stories especially stories that bare ones soul. I am looking forward to the next few weeks in this class and getting to know what seem to be a amazing group of people. I am how ever not looking forward to sharing my story which they seem to do every week. 2 people take turns sharing their testimony. I don't seem to have a problem

writing about myself or talking about my life face to face with people I know. But the thought of having peoples eyes on me while I bare my soul scares me to death. Not to mention to people I hardly know. I will do it though and I hope its a positive thing. I just hope I can talk smoothly and not get totally flustered and freaked out. I will be praying on that a LOT! Anyway, I am very happy with the church I have found and happy with growing in a more Christian way, building a relationship with God. I do have fears though. My biggest being i will let him down or that

some other trial will happen in my life and I will automatically turn on him. I would prefer no more trials please ;-)

After church i dropped Leia off at home and headed to my very first Tupperware party!! So much fun was had and I brought home so many free goodies. It was pretty cool because the lady telling us about the products handed out Tupperware cash. At the end she held a Tupperware auction and you were given the opportunity to bid on products which was pretty awesome! Free stuff man and I am having a party at the end of May so if you get a invitation you should totally come and try and win some cool stuff. Anyway it was a fun time and thanks for inviting me Amy!

When I got home we all loaded up and headed to reston Town Center to have dinner and ice cream. The weather was perfect for sitting outside, which I always love to do. Ivy really digs some beans too. She

ate a bowl and a half of them. I guess her 2 teeth are doing the trick when it comes to eating. After eating we headed down to the fountain to see if I could get Leia to play in the water while Andrew went and got us IceBerry. Seriously the best ice cream ever! While Andrew was gone Leia had a nice wipe out which resulted in her first bloody skinned knee. Lots of screaming and tears were had. I was holding Ivy when it happened and was trying to comfort Leia when a very sweet lady came over and poured water and Leias knee and told me it looked fine. The

random acts of kindness from total strangers never ceases to amaze me. Anyway, yeah Leia was very upset for a good 15 minutes. Even the ice cream wasnt making her happy. So she sat on my lap while she cried and I did my best to make her feel better. She eventually got over it and was back to her spunky self. When we got home we cleaned it up and put one big band aid on it then went for a walk with Susie and Chloe before the ran came. So yeah this was a very wonderful weekend!

Ivy update- She has 2 of her bottom teeth and she seems to be pretty good at tearing up some food with said teeth. She is walking around furniture while holding on and every once in a while she will let go and stand for a good 5-10 seconds. She is still all about whatever Leia is doing and stays pretty glued to her, she does enjoy playing by herself at times though. She has the most amazing laugh that lights up her entire face. She still isnt to fond of people she doesn't know and when anyone new or newish is around she stays close to Mommy or daddy.

Adora update- Not sure what is going on with Adora she doesnt seem to be living with her Dad anymore, at least thats the impression I get from her myspace. She seems to being having her own trials in life and doesn't really want a helping hand. I ask that all of you pray for her. She is having some serious trouble and am very very worried about her. I hope someday she will want the help and we will be able to provide that for her.

Farm, lunch, and nothing else much.

2010-04-22T13:20:00.000-07:00

So Monday Leias school had a field trip to Frying Pan Park. Which happens to be one of my favorite places in the area. The trip was right around Ivy's nap time so I was a bit worried that she would have a screech owl fit not long after we got there. She did great though! Leia was very excited and had been talking about the trip all morning and the night before. She also loves frying pan park.

We walked around to look at all the animals. They have sheeps, cows, horses, geese, ducks, rabbits, pigs, goats, peacocks, and turkeys. They also have a farmers market that should start soon!! After checking out all the animals we did a hay ride. This was Ivy's first hay ride, I think I was more excited then she was. She fell asleep pretty much right when the ride started. I was so happy to have her sleeping on me. Ivy is not much of a snuggly baby that has always been Leia. So I really didn't want her to wake up so I could enjoy having her snuggled up to me for a while. She stayed asleep when the ride ended and continued to sleep in her stroller. Which surprised me! I was positive she would

wake up as soon as the ride ended just as she does when the cars stops.

After the hay ride Daddy met us for lunch. Leia was to busy playing on the playground with all of her buddies so daddy and I sat in the grass and had a nice subway lunch! Its always nice to enjoy a meal during the day with my Husband.

Tuesday we met up with a old neighbor of ours Stephanie, my favorite hippie chick. We had a lovely lunch at Cheese cake Factory and all the kids did great. Ivy had some issues with our waiter as in she didnt want him anywhere near her. Saying she did not like him is a understatement. Steph had her new boy Jax with her that I only got to see briefly at the caps game. He is just way to cute! Precious baby boy he is. After lunch we headed into the mall for a coffee and a ride on the mall train. This was Ivy's and Jax's

first train ride, something I am sure neither of them will remember. Ivy loved it and so did Leia as she always does. She knows when we are at the mall as she yells "MOM TRAIN I WANT TO RIDE THE TRAIN!" I use this as a parenting tool when we go to the mall. Be good you get to ride the train. So far it has worked. It was wonderful to see Steph after so long and I am really looking forward to our dinner plans this Saturday!

Today we ran a few errands. I had told leia we were headed out to run some errands to which she said "Can I just walk some errands i don't want to run?" We went to Nordstrom rack to get some shoes for Cherokees 10th birthday that is coming up and then to World Market to get a few trinkets for her. Afterwards we went to chik filet. I had no chicken but ate some cole slaw. Leia got to play on their indoor playground and Ivy tried to play as much as she could. Leia kept asking me to help Ivy climb up inside. She is so

ready for her sister to be able to play with her. Last night she was actually trying to wrestle with her on the floor. Ivy was not to fond of this game. I think Ivy is ready to be able to keep up with Leia too. She loves to crawl after her where ever she goes but has a bit of trouble keeping up as Leia doesnt stay in one spot for to long!

Funny things Leia has said this week
Salt shaker fell off the fridge Leias response "Mom that scared me out of crap!" Yeah I need to stop saying crap....

Leia yelling from her bedroom at bed time. "Goodnight Daddy and Mommy. I hope Mommy is nice to you tonight Daddy!" Hmph...
"Mom, your boobs are BIG!" Thanks kid but you are way off on that one!

I'm sure there are many other silly things she has said but I have forgotten them. I am going to try and start writing them down as she is always coming up with stuff that makes me giggle and I would like to be able to look back on them, and for them to also look back on them someday!

Also- I am curious as who reads this thing. So if you read this could you leave your name or a comment. Feel free to tell me how big my boobs are, hahahahah, just kidding your name is fine!

Cold and windy animals.

2010-04-20T06:00:00.000-07:00

Mother nature is obviously not a fan of Spring and wants to tease us with warm days then BAM heres some wind and some cold chitter chatter weather. Shes kinda a bitch like that..or shes just having some marital problems and is taking it out on all of us. Either way she needs to buck up and make it spring already. EVERYDAY that its supposed to be spring not just when she feels like it. Seriously lady get with the program and pick a season. Thanks!

So Saturday our dear friends Kelly and Elizabeth's son turned one. Crazy how fast that went. They threw his birthday at Leesburg animal park. I thought we

had never been here before but Im pretty sure I drug my family here for some sort of Halloween pumpkin thing. Back when it was just fun for me because Leia wasnt able to enjoy it yet. Yes I used to torture my family that way. The good ol days! The party was great and the weather would have been nice had there not been gusts of freezing cold wind. I always step outside after checking the weather online to see how I should dress everyone. Well I thought it was nice so we were all not dressed appropriately.

Leia still had a blast even though she was shivering a little bit. She had her first pony ride. Rewind, funny story from earlier that day.
Earlier that day Leia was throwing a fit for candy or something she couldnt have. It went something like this.
Leia- "I want candy. I want candy. I WANT CANDY!"
Daddy and Mommy -"You can't have any candy"
Leia in a serious fit of anger because we are just so mean to not give her candy, awful parents that we are.- "BUT I WANT IT!"
Daddy- "Well do you want a pony too?"

Leia, tears, snot, screeching, total sadness-"I WANT A PONY I WANT A PONY A PONY A PONY!!!"

Mommy saying to Daddy- "Great job there Andrew"

Leia- "I WANT A PONY DADDY A PONY I NEED HIM GIVE ME A PONY I WANT HIIIIIMMMMM!!!"

Daddy- "I won't say that again..."

When she got her pony ride at the party she didnt seem to much care for the pony and seemed very unsure of the little fella. So maybe she doesnt want a

after all. Leia was a little skittish around the animals but fed a few and really had a great time even if she was cold.
Poor Ivy's allergies really went wonky while we were there, plus she was cold. Her poor little eyes were streaming tears and her nose was a snot faucet. At one point Andrew took 2 diapers and fashioned them into a fashionable hat. This stopped the shivering and just made her look so stylish. Bedazzled diaper hats
are the future people.

So even though we were cold, especially my hubby

since he gave me his jacket, we had a wonderful and fun time. So happy that we were able to celebrate Grayson 1st b-day with his friends and family.Such a sweet and beautiful boy he is. Next birthday up is my sweet Ivy's. So strange that it has almost been a year.

Sunday was spent at church, me and Leia, and then just sitting around the house getting stuff done. Leia and I did get a 3 hour nap that was totally awesome! Was nice to have a bit of a chill weekend since we are usually go go go..Heres to hoping Mother nature gets her crap together and brings us a perfect weekend!

The week of suck...

2010-04-16T13:23:00.000-07:00

This week was a rough week for me. the week started out with me being in some sort of funk. Then I got a phone call about Adora. Which gave my something to focus on and made my funk a different sort of funk. But at least i then knew what was wrong.(maybe thats the reason for my funk. I sensed something a bad a coming!) The stuff with Adora is bad, could be worse, it can be fixed though. We just have to figure out what to do. We will know more Monday and will then find out if we need to set out a plan or let things take their course. Fingers crossed she is enrolled in school and we just let things take their course and someday she will be able to come here and we will then be able to help her. We shall see...

Ivy and I did have a lovely breakfast with Chloe and Susie this week and a short play date at Brandis, short because Ivy was being a screech owl because she was sleepy. Wednesday My amazing sister and I went and had dinner at Otani. This is by far the best Japanese steak house I have been to. My sister is usually who i turn to when I need serious advice or help with setting up a plan. She never fails to help me feel better about a situation. Thursday my dear friend
Kelly brought us lunch. Its been a while since I havent seen kelly and it is always nice to sit and chat with her

She is a really good listener and very good at making you feel good about yourself when she knows thats what you need. And thats what I needed. Love her and wish we got to hang out more often. Tomorrow is her sons first birthday so Kelly time twice in a week. SCORE! Then Last night Andrew and I went and used our CAPS tickets for our free wings. (I haven't eaten chicken in quite a while due to a awful picture someone posted on facebook. I did have a few bites and then that horrid picture popped back in my head.) It was nice to have a family dinner with my amazing hubby and beautiful girls. Just sit back and enjoy eachother and not think about stuff for a while.

Today After picking Leia up from school I took the girls to Lake Anne in hopes that the fountain would be on and we could ALL play in the water. I was bummed to see it wasnt turned on yet but we still enjoyed ourselves for a few hours. We stopped at the

coffee shop so I could eat lunch, Leia had lunch at school, While I ate she slurped down a smoothie and then we headed to the used book store. She was so excited that they had berenstain bears books. So we dug through them and found ones she didn't have yet. We also found The little Mouse, The red ripe strawberry and the hungry bear which brought squeals of excitement from her. This is a book they read at school and which from her joy I am guessing she loves! After we wandered in and out of the stores we walked down the dock to feed the geese. Leia and Ivy both really got a kick out of the geese and enjoyed feeding them food you aren't supposed to be feeding them...

So even though my week started out all funky it was a great ending. I really enjoy spending time with just the girls out and about. I couldn't help but think what it will feel like when they are teens and I suck and they don't like doing things with me anymore.

I really hope I can figure out how to be a Mom and their friends when that time comes. I want to always enjoy going places with them and have them enjoy it in return. They bring me such joy and bring my heart peace when I am having tough times. I hope that someday when they are older and are having tough times in there lives I will be able to bring them those feelings, in a adult way. Not a kiss the boo boo kinda way. Though the week started out bad it couldnt have ended any better. I love you Leia and Ivy and I hope to be the very best Mom to you two. I will apologize now for when you are teens and I make you angry (but really if you are a teen it is your fault! ;-) ) LOVE!

Mood.

2010-04-14T11:40:00.000-07:00

Occasionally I will get in a funk. Not very often so when it happens I feel powerless. I'm not really depressed just sorta bummed and then it makes me more bummed when I can't figure out why I am feeling this way. Then we add insomnia on top of that and it just makes it worse. So yeah I have been in a 'Mood', as I call it, for 2 days now. I don't like it. The insomnia comes in because at night I lay there and try and figure out what is going on in my head so I can face the problem and solve it. The fixer that I am.

Those of you who know me know I suffered from horrible insomnia for a long time. I would go 3,4 sometimes 5 days with nothing more then a few hours of sleep. It would be so bad some days that I would be afraid to drive or on some instances my hubby would have to take a half day so I could try to at least get some sort of rest. THEN the kids came back into my life and my insomnia seemed to disappear. I had a entire month of amazing sleep. It was new to me and I LOVED it!! So I figured that was the cause for my insomnia. The constant wondering.

The past few days I have been down, bummy, sitting in my pot of funk and not quite sure why. I have a amazing husband, 2 beautiful kids, 4 beautiful children back in my life, 1 daughter who is trouble but that I love dearly and am trying to help from a far (kinda turned her over to God and asked him to do whatever he needs to do to give her a wake up call) ,amazing friends near and far but I still feel blah. This is what keeps me up at night, wondering what is wrong with me. Why do I feel this way? What is the root of this problem? What can I do to fix it, if I can freakin figure out what IT is?

The only thing I can come up with is that a few days ago I had someone say something not so nice to me. Its a situation where I don't feel I can really sick up for myself anf that bothers me that I can't sit with this person and have a adult convo because that would just make it worse. I don't like not being able to stick up for myself and I try real hard to let those things go but sometimes I find that hard. Especially when I know another situation just like this will occur again someday and once again I won't be able to stick up for myslef but will be forced to just take it. That makes me mad.

Or maybe its just life. Or hormones, or just. I have been praying maybe not praying right, i dunno. Not much talking as I don't know what to talk about because I don't know whats wrong. Usually when I get like this I stay at home with the girls until it passes or I figure out whats wrong and deal with it. I'm trying to break that cycle and made myself go to lunch today with my neighbor and to visit a friend afterwards. I'm glad I did get out and about and not allow myself to be all antisocial. Its been a long time since I had a mood like this and it bugs me. I want to be my usual happy self who enjoys everything and doesnt let stuff get to me. I don't want to feel like a bad friend, mom, wife, or like I'm doing it all wrong. I know I'm not bad at any of those things but that hows I feel right now and not in a self pity sort of way. Just like I could being doing everything so much better then how I am.

All these question in my head and no answers. This to shall pass, eh?

Andrews blue steel will scare you funk!

SURPRISE PARTY!!!

2010-04-12T15:51:00.000-07:00

Those of you who know me know I love to plan parties, get togethers, dinners, well anything that involves fun and people at my home. So when our friend Scott asked what I thought about throwing his wife, and my dear friend and Leia's preschool teacher, Shelley a surprise party for her 30th I jumped all over it. This was back in October when I had my self busy planning all sorts of holiday parties and birthdays. But as soon as that was done we got to planning.

I sent a email to two of her closest (that word looks weird!) friends and got them on board. We then put

together a list of people to invite and decided to do a pot luck type dinner. Everyone bring something yummy to eat. And boy did we have some yummy food. Beth made a amazing peanut butter cup cake that was just so beautiful, Leslie made cupcakes for the kids with gummi worms. They were way to cute. We also had, bbq meatballs, meatloaf, mac and cheese, tater salad, pea salad, fruit, carrots, pigs in a blanket and I am sure i am forgetting something. It was all so delicious and so nice to have such an assortment of yummy food all cooked by people who love Shelley.

Miss. Jen showed up at 3 to help me get everything prepared. I was making a Cream cheese dip that actually was a recipe I got from Shelley herself and Alton browns meatloaf. (Best meatloaf ever!) Andrew had taken the girls to cousin/niece Kelly's birthday party so it was just Jen and me. I enjoyed having her here to help and really enjoyed the girl talk. Around 5 everyone else started

showing up with all their yummy goodness.

I had been nervous for week that someone would slip up or that I would slip up. Which I almost did on Friday when picking up Leia from school. I almost said to One of the other Moms, Kristen, who was coming to the party, that I would see her on saturday. Thankfully I caught myself and said no such thing. Come to find out I wasnt the only one that was nervous. And we all got more nervous as we awaited the arrival of the birthday girl.

Well Shelley showed up having no clue to all the scheming that had been going on behind her back for months! The look on her face made me so happy to have been able to be a part of this. I must say she was thoroughly surprised and I high fived Scott after I hugged Shelley. We had made it to the day without her having a clue. All of us were so happy.

I am so happy that I got to be a part of this and hope I didnt irritate anyone with my constant emailing. I loved being able to work with all of her friends and hubby to make this day special for her. It was a success and a lot of fun. Did I mention all the

yummy food? It twas very very yummy. I am glad that ALL of us were able to do this for one special lady and I look forward to spending more birthdays with her. The evening was a success with lots of laughter, good food, good convo, watching kids act crazy and have a good time, and my house was a disaster, just like I like my house to be after a party. Means all enjoyed themselves. But next time I will make sure I put away Leias 20 or so puzzles so I dont have them scattered everywhere. Something I say I am going to do before every kid friendly party I have.

Anyway happy Birthday Shelley and thank you for being my friend. For listening to me complain, for making me laugh, for sharing my joy of cooking, for all our conversations we have had, and most of all for accepting me for who I am and for never judging me. I value our friendship more then words could say.I love you crazy lady!

Ivy-Rose hanging out with Daddy.

Benny and Leia getting frisky!

Happy children make for a happy home.

Cake time.

Avery wired on cake showing us her dance moves and make up skills!

Liam earned his beads!

Birthday girl with her baby. I still owe her 29 spanks!

The week I forgot to write about.

2010-04-11T17:07:00.000-07:00

So this week we didn't do much of anything exciting. I did a lot of Spring cleaning. Got rid of some toys that weren't ever played with, some Mc Donald toys and did some rearranging of toys. Oh and a whole lot of cleaning. So yeah that was fun. My house appreciated it though. It always feels good to get rid of stuff, declutter a bit.

We had our neighbor Tracy over a few times this week with her son Damian for dinner. Ivy and Damian were being cute as only babies know how to be. Nothing beats the baby cute.

We also had my niece Emma over one night. Andrew went and picked her up from her after school program and she came to spend a few hours with us. Leia is always asking about her big cousin Emma so it was nice to be able to have her here for dinner for a few hours. Every time I see Emma I can't decide who she looks like. One time she looks like her Mom and then she looks like her Dad. She totally has her Moms personality. (Thats a good thing Meg!) She really gets a kick out of explaining things to Leia and I find it to be very amusing to here how a 6 year old perceives things. After dinner the girls went outside

and did a lot of sidewalk chalk coloring. Leia was sad when Emma left and asked a few times when she would see her again. I am hoping soon. I am also hoping I see my sister soon, for lets say lunch! (HINT HINT knuckle head lovey face!)

Ivy and I had breakfast with my dear friend Brandi and her son Christian this week also. Funny story that she will probably kill me for telling. While we were eating a sweet, or creepy as Brandi would say, lady came to our table to admire Ivy and then told me what cute boys I had. Then she asked Brandi, who she thought was my son, how old she was. Which

Brandi replied "I am a girl!" the lady felt bad and left. I think we both got dissed. I was basically called old and Brandi was called a boy. Whatever it was amusing and I sure do love my "son".

Friday we met Andrews bro and sis for a hockey game. the Caps won and we get free chicken wings. If they score 5 points in a game every ticket holder gets free wings. To bad I am not eating chicken anymore...It was nice to have a evening with my hubby with no kids. Thanks Brandi! After the Caps game Mike, my brother inlaws, hockey team played

a game. I watched a bit of it but then had a lovely phone call from Karen, the kids amazing Mom, so stepped out to chat with her. I felt bad that I missed his game but at the same time I really look forward to talking to Karen and sharing stories about Mommy hood and just chatting. I really like her and feel so at ease chatting with her. Anyway, Mikes hockey team has the best name ever, Iceholes!!

So yeah that was our week. Let me explain this photo real quick. Ivy is really getting around now and has actually stood without holding on to anything a few times. So leia really wanted to play with playdough which usually has to be played with in the kitchen at her table. Well ivy van get around that tables so I told her she could play with it in the living room. So I blocked her in the corner so Ivy couldnt get to her. Ivy spent the entire time trying to figure out how to get to that darn palydough. I mean she REALLY tried. She never figured it out but it kept me quite amused watching her!!

She never gave up. Leia did a bit of teasing and would hop over the table to run and get something which would just frustrate Ivy even more. OH, Ivy got her first tooth on Easter. That darn thing finally broke through and she has another one on the way.

Thursday Leia and I spent about 2 or so hours chatting with the kids on web cam. Leia liked to flash the peace sign and smile at them. She had lots of question and I had lots of answers. I dont know if she actually gets what I am saying but either way she had a a lot of fun seeing them and interacting with them

We all did a lot of drawing and then showing it over the camera. Leia did some naked streaking which had me laughing. Its always so much fun to get to chat with the kids and it was even more fun to watch them interact with Leia and her with them. We mostly chatted with Cherokee but did get to do some chatting with Shawn and Garrett. River was off on a hunting trip. he likes to go hog hunting. Brave kid. I always think of old yeller. Anyway, I would have to say that chat session was the highlight of my week and I was happy that Leia got to join in it. We all really enjoyed ourselves and like I have said before God has truly blessed me and touched my heart!

Hoppy weekend!

2010-04-07T08:00:00.000-07:00

How do you like that play on words? Nice, huh? I thought so.

So we had a really busy weekend. Saturday we headed out to find me some shorts and jeans for summer. I seem to have lost so much weight that none of my shorts from the past 3 summers fit me anymore, go ahead stab me in the eye. Plus most of my jeans I own are skinny jeans and wearing those during the hot summer months really sounds awful to me. The only thing I want tight against my skin when its hot outside is a swim suit.

So after we got ourselves ready we headed to Nordstrom rack, which I used to really like, but now not so much. Couldnt really find anything worth waiting in a huge line to try on. So we headed to Leesburg outlet Mall. We actually had some jerk fly by us as we were crossing the street WITH THE GIRLS, he was so close I could have reached in his car and slapped him. jerk. Anyway, I was able to find some shorts and jeans.

Afterwards we headed over to our friends Chris and Mistys house. While we waited for Misty to get home

Leia enjoyed playing on Alex's new playground set thingy. The boys had fun hanging out in it too. (Im just going to say right now I am exhausted and this post is already all rambly and weird, make sense much, Tamara?) So playing on the swing set thingy was much fun for all. Ivy and I even got on and did some swinging. I liked how she would rest her little head on me while we swinged. She isn't much of a snuggler so I will take what I can get.

Okay lets continue. I have had a full nights sleep so maybe I wont sounds so out of it.After swing set fun and Misty got home we headed to dinner at Red Hot and Blue. All 3 kiddos did great and it was nice to get to hang out with the Turners. I don't see them very often, Andrew does as he works with both of them. Misty is starting to show and I can't wait to meet her new baby. Alex and Leia are really cute with each other. I think Alex may have a bit of a crush on my Leia princess. Anyway good times were had.

Sunday morning Leia and I woke up for church. I had talked to Leia about going to church the night before and tried to explain to her what it was about and how she would have fun with her friends while Mommy was in another part of the building. I must have done a good job because she woke up all excited about going to church. So we all, well Leia and I, got dressed ate breakfast and headed to the Daniels home to follow them to their church. Leia freaked out for a minute when she realized I was leaving her in her own classroom and would not be joining her. The service was great and 2 things I really liked about this church is...A. The preacher didn't try and push HIS church off on people. He said he would be happy as long as all of had a church to go to even if it wasnt his. and B. No offering, not that I mind offering but I dont like being guilted into giving money. I know this is how churches survive but I feel people should give money if they want not made

to feel like they HAVE to. Anyway good service and Leia was all smiles when I came to pick her up. She seemed to have enjoyed herself which was another plus for me.

After we got home and changed into some warm weather clothes we headed to the Martinez famliy home to pick them up and drive to D.C. The plan had been to drive to D.C. check out the monuments and hide some easter eggs as we walked around. Yeah that didn't happen. We got to D.C. and drove around for about a hour trying to find a place to park. I think

everyone from the D.C./Northern Virginia area was in D.C. that day. It was awful way to many people. Plus the kids were cranky especially Ivy who really wanted out of her car seat. So we changed our plans and headed to Old Town Alexandria. I love this area. It is so beautiful and rich with history, so I think we made a good choice. Plus it was the perfect day.

We walked around the water front and let all the kids check out the parrots they have on display. I always want to set these poor birds free. Poor things put up their to perform. Leia wasnt to sure about the parrots.

She would check them out for a bit then pull the stroller cover over her face. After this our true adventure begin. We were all getting hungry and decided to find a place to eat. So the walking begin. And more walking, then some more walking and then more walking. Andrew had been to this area before and remembered a good place called Murphys. So thats where we decided we would have dinner. Well his iphone led us all over the place. I finally looked it up on my iphone and found the right place and we headed the right direction. When we finally got there it was about a block away from where we had parked.....Oh well we all needed the exercise anyway. By the time we got there we were all hot and a tad bit cranky. Sat down and realized no AC. This didnt really help cranky hot matters but after resting a bit we all cooled down and enjoyed a nice lunch. Plus J.C. got his first Shirley Temple. Ivy didn't want much to do with her food but sure enjoyed digging spinach and artichoke dip out of the bread bowl. She was quite a

mess too. Leia was alright but had a few break downs. This picture looks worse then it was. She wasnt quite as loud as this picture looks. Lord she is stubborn...Anyway good food was had.

After dinner we decided to head to Arlington and play on the playground. The kids who were already exhausted got even more wore out but really had a blast. Leia really has no fear when it comes to the playgrounds. I get more scared for her then she does. I always expect her to miss a step and fall six feet. But I guess thats part of being a Mom and something that will never really change.

We headed home and dropped the Martinez family off and by the time we got home both girls were passed out in the van. The ending to my day was a wonderful call from the Oklahoma kids to wish me a Happy Easter. It's always wonderful to hear their voices. I am so thankful for how happy and well taken care of they

are. It sounds like they had a amazing and busy easter. With many Easter eggs hunts and lots of wonderful family time. While talking to Lil Shawn he was telling me all the things each of them is good at. When he got to Cherokee he said "Well,hmmm, Shes really good at making us mad." I thought this was to funny. I seem to be good at producing girls with attitude. Has me really looking forward to seeing how Ivy and Leia are going to be..Anyway it was the perfect easter with a even more perfect ending. I am very blessed to have so many amazing children. I love each and everyone of them with my entire heart.

Happy Spring Everyone!

Driving and sneezing is a bad combo!

2010-04-04T09:36:00.000-07:00

So Thursday the girls and I loaded up to meet Brandi and her 2 boys, J.C. and Christian, for lunch. I had already been having a difficult morning. I was feeling really awful and felt like I had to constantly sneeze. My face was really hating on me. Leia was being extra sassy, whiney, difficult, foot stompy, that day and had really frayed my nerves. Ivy was fussy but not screechy. So yeah I was at my wits end and trying my hardest not to scream at the kiddos.

We met the Martinez gang at Amphoras and as I was pulling into a parking space I sneezed and hit the car next to me. GREAT! That just made the day sooo

much better. Leia informed me "Mommy we don't hit cars!" Thanks kid! I finished parking and got out of the car to check the damage. Not a single thing was wrong with the other car. Nothing. Then I looked at my car and was really confused. How did that happen to my car but nothing to the other. I promptly got over that and was happy that I wouldn't have to do any insurance stuff. Could have been worse, this was minor in the big scheme of things, considering how bad it COULD have been. I called Andrew fully expecting to be in trouble. He didn't seem to concerned about it and was able to make the van look pretty darn newish when he got home from work. Needless to say I still worried about it through the rest of lunch but everything was fine.

After lunch we all headed to Target to wander a bit then headed back here to dye some Easter eggs. Christian and Leia really enjoyed dying and decorating eggs. J.C wasnt to interested but still had fun. I must say

all of the eggs turned out very pretty. Christian wasn't happy about having dirty hands and had a bit of a fit over it but once his hands were clean he was happy again. Once Andrew got home J.C. was very happy to check the new VW out some more. It was a wonderful day with friends and Leia slept so well that night after she and I watched ET. She told me she wanted a alien so her bike could fly.

Friday the girls and I got up and headed to DTC to see the Easter bunny. I even put the girls in matching

outfits which I am sure they will hate someday but I plan to do it as much as I can while I can get away with it. I fully expected Ivy to FREAK out as soon as I handed her to the Easter Bunny. But she didnt. She actually smiled and stroked the bunny. Leia did awesome too. I was so pleased with how well it went and happy that we were able to get a great picture. After the bunny fun we did a little shopping then headed to have lunch at The Cheesecake Factory. It was such a lovely day that we sat outside. I ordered the slider and Ivy actually ate half of one. She is going to be such a better eater then her sister. I love when I get to have lunch with just my girls. Its such a special time and I really have fun with the 2 of them. I look forward to all the mommy daughter outings we will get to share in in the years to come. My special and amazing little girls bring me so much joy.

That night my dear friend Shelley invited me to church. She has

invited me a few times in the past and I have always turned her down. this time I really wanted to go and was ready. I had such a amazing time. They did a bunch of skits followed by amazing true life stories told by members of the church. Such touching stories they were. In between they would play some really awesome music. The band there was awesome!! They played U2, The Beatles, some Christian rock and a few other things. I really enoyed this service and the message. Which was everything happens for a reason and God is always there to carry you through the tough times. I have always known there was a reason for why things happened but I havent

always known that he was there with me through all those tough times. That I was never alone. That he felt all the pain just as strongly as I did. I am glad I have him back in my life and that he waited patiently for me all this time. He has truly blessed me these past few months and brought so many amazing people into my life. I know for a fact I would NOT be where I am today had it not been for him and the people he had help me along the way. Happy Easter big man and Happy Easter to all of you!!

(Thanks Brandi for all the great pictures!)

Sniffles and snot plus the occasional sneeze...

2010-04-01T08:58:00.000-07:00

So this house has been full of snot, sneezes and sniffles since Tuesday. Just plan awful. Ivy started snottin up a storm on Tuesday and I thought she was getting a cold. But then by that evening I was feeling pretty darn awful myself and realized we had allergies. I never had allergies till I moved to Virginia. Virginia hates my face, and my head. I feel awful and so does poor Ivy. No fun and I wish I could kill all the pretty things blooming outside right now. I also wish I could sneeze as much as my face really wants to sneeze. I really hate a tickly nose. i really hope everything that hates our faces hurries ups and blooms and we can finally ENJOY being outside!

Tuesday we headed over to the Daniels home to Let Benny and Leia play while Shelley and I hung out with the babies and poured over old cooking light magazines. I think I could look at cooking magazines all day. I tore out quite a few recipes to try out. That is once my face starts working again and I can taste food or at least not snot all over it. Leia and Benny had a grande ol time as they usually do. Its going to be sad when they are no longer in school together. Leia really loves benny and is really going to miss seeing him 3 days a week. They always play so well together. I was very surprised about how big Everett

is getting. His little cheeks are just so plump they kind of just run right into his chin. So cute. he is also such a sweet well mannered baby. I seemed to handle Ivy's screech owl ways pretty well. he only cried once when she did a extra loud screech. I really wish she would just hoot then screech. Fingers crossed she out grows this stage quickly and it doesnt last for 18 years.

Wednesday we meet up with the Daniels again for a magic show at Frying Pan Park to enjoy a magic show. It wasnt that great but he wasnt there to entertain the adults. All the kids seemed to enjoy him

and thats all that really mattered. After the magic show we wandered over to the picnic tables and had a lovely picnic. The weather was beautiful, a little bit windy but nice. When we finished eating we wandered around the farm and looked at all the baby animals. There were tons of lambs which Leia said were her favorite. I scooted Ivy's stroller up towards the gate so she could get a look at them and was very surprised that she didn't cry but actually seemed to enjoy looking at them. My favorite are the ducks. I could happily sit and watch ducks all day. Such interesting animals. I would love to some day have a

a few ducks. Leia also enjoyed the chickens which used to scare the heck out of her. Benny, Avery and Leia spent a good amount of time picking flowers and grass to feed to the rabbits which seemed to enjoy eating something different.

We headed home and brushed Leias teeth and then headed to her second dental appointment. She did AWESOME! No cavities and she did everything that was asked of her with no tears. Ivy did well too. When the lady talked to her she didnt screech but talked back to her and did a lot of smiling. Maybe

she is finally realizing its okay to smile back and that everyone doesnt need to be blessed with her screeching ways. After leia's appointment we headed to get a milk shake for Leia. She informed me that the milkshake place was by Chipolte, and she was right. Smart kid she is.

By the time we got home my face wanted to explode so I ordered us pizza for dinner and went to bed early. Ivy had some trouble getting to bed and once she did fall asleep she fell asleep sitting up. Very cute but I figured she would be sore the next morning so

Andrew moved her.

Today we are feeling worse but are still going to venture out for lunch and then dye some Easter Eggs. I really hope that tomorrow we feel better and that we are over all this by Sunday. We have plans to take the kids to DC to hide our own Easter eggs.

I gotta say, I sure got some beautiful girls. I love their faces!

Go go weekend!

2010-03-28T13:48:00.000-07:00

This was one busy weekend . Like I like my weekends to be. I really look forward to getting to do things together as a family and this weekend was full of fun family time.

Saturday we Headed out the door around lunch time and stopped for lunch at Mimis cafe. This is my favorite breakfast place to go. And just loves their chocolate chip pancakes, Ivy got a taste and seems to love them too. I like that she is now able to gum a lot of big people food. Its always interesting to see what kind of face she is going to make with each new thing she tries. After lunch we headed to Carters to get a few Summer/Spring outifts for the girls. I did what every kid hates theirs parents to do and got them a

few matching outfits. Awww bless thei hearts they are going to be all matchy matchy! Then we headed off to Loudon Sports Bounce to celebrate Alex's 2nd birthday. Much fun was had. Lots of moon bouncing and sliding. Leia didnt want much to do with the slides by herself but once she got over her fear there was no stopping her and she was sliding and bouncing all over the place. I love watching all these kids grow. these children i have known since they were babies. Alex has got himself one cute personality and I look forward to the years to come seeing him become a boy and then one handsome man. Happy Birthday Alex!

After all out bouncing fun we headed over to the Martinez family home for some beer can chicken, baked beans, and spanish rice. Yummy! Once Ivy got past her "All these people are going to eat me so I must screech like a crazy baby" good times were had. I get a kick out of watching Leia and Christian play together. With these 2 you never know how it will go. One minute they can be all lovey dovey and the next minute you are wondering if they are going to start throwing down. Lots of running, chasing and much laughing. J.C got to go for a spin in Andrews "VMW" which he loved. I imagine he will be talking about it for a while. It started off as him calling it a BMW by the end of the night it was known as the VMW. To funny! Love that kid! Needless to say after the day the girls had had they went right to bed! I did wake up around 4ish and was unable to sleep so I got up and played on the computer for a bit then headed back to bed. As I crawled into bed a little head popped up and almost caused me to tinkle in my pants. Leia

had crawled up into my spot on the bed. Scared me half to death. Once my heart stopped freakin out we had a good laugh and some wonderful snuggle time. Which included lots of me telling her "I LOVE YOUR FACE!"

Today Uncle Ben came over and we went and had lunch at Fudruckers. Hadnt been there in a while and I forgot how yummy their buns are. Andrew even won another stuffed animal out of the claw machine. Just what we need! It's always nice to see Uncle Ben we dont see him nearly enough. After lunch we

headed back her and played Legos. Lots of Uncle Ben building a tower and Leia knowing it over. Ivy still cries when you dump all the legos out. I think its the noise that freaks her out. It makes for many tears.

So yes a lovely weekend was had and now I am trying to make plans for next week as it is Spring Break and Leia will have no school. My house smells of New Orleans as I have a BIG pot of red beans and rice cooking on the stove. Heres to hoping they taste as yummy as the creoles make!

The week of sick.

2010-03-27T07:28:00.000-07:00

Tuesday was spent recovering from my New Orleans trip and getting my house back in some sort of order. Not a lot of excitement happened.

Wednesday it was a beautiful day outside, except for the gusts of wind. At around 10ish I took Mr. Hopperton up to Leia's school so he could play the part of the Easter bunny. The kids really got a kick out of watching him hop around and chasing him from here to there. I was happy that none of the kids seemed to be to scared of him and all took turns holding/petting him. Ivy wasn't so sure about all the goings on and for the most part wanted to stay close to me. Towards the end she did venture away from me to check out the kids and Mr. Hopperton. Bailey was

more interested in petting Ivy then petting the bunny. Very cute!

That evening we headed to Red Robbin with our neighbors. Before we left I gave Leia a glass of orange juice and then she feel asleep in the car. About 3 minutes after getting to Red Robbin she puked all over the floor. Poor thing, she was quite embarrassed. She puked one more time in the bathroom and then we decided to head home. We figured maybe she got car sick. We had no more problems the rest of the night and she woke up feeling

spunky and back to her normal self. Andrew on the other hand was not.

Andrew and I got no sleep that night. Andrew was up most the night SICK very very sick. Which kept me up. Hard to sleep with all that going on. Poor guy stayed home from work. He was feeling a little better once the sun came up and was pretty much back to normal by late afternoon. Leia and I headed to Chucky E Cheese for her best bot Benny's 3rd birthday. (I left my camera on the couch so had to take pics with my iphone) She had so much fun and finally had no fear in going up in the big playground tube thing. It was

very cute, at one point all the kids had climbed up there and were having their own birthday party for Benny. I love watching the imaginations of kids in full swing. I was totally exhausted this day and kept loosing track of kids. Go me!

That night I was up most the night with horrible tummy pains then spent all of yesterday sick and laying around. No fun! Andrew did get his new car Friday so that did make the day a bit exciting! Now off to enjoy the weekend minus tummy upsets!

The Big Easy trip in pictures.

2010-03-24T11:30:00.000-07:00

Krystal, Liz and me at Pat Obrians dueling piano bar on Friday night. I was sad i couldn't enjoy the yummy hurricanes with the ladies. They were way to sweet so I stuck to beer. This was a really cool place with a huge beautiful courtyard. They had a lot of fire and water fountains that were pretty cool.

This was at Fat Cat, I think thats the name of it, much dancing was done here and a lot of drinking. The guy behind me, in the glasses, was headed to Iraq the next day. The pole I am holding on to became my dear friend. We went here on Friday and Saturday night and both nights I stuck by the pole. It kept me up right and never hit on me. Best date ever, well next to my hubby.

Liz and I sitting at the piano in Lafittes the oldest bar in America. This is a really cool place as there is no electricity. Its all lit up by candles and gas lanterns. This is where we met up for our haunted bar crawl tour.

We came back here after our tour to sit at the piano and listen to a few songs. The guy had a very blusie voice.

The 3 of us at Felix's. Liz had to get her oyster fix. there was a lot of oyster eating on this trip. Extra horse radish please!

Saturday was rainy and Sunday was really cold. To end our trip we had a lovely dinner at Muriels at Jackson Square. We were all hurting pretty bad and just wanted to spend the evening relaxing and eating yummy food.

Friday night was spent wandering, looking at stores, eating, drinking and then dancing in the evening. Saturday was spent doing the same but more close to Jackson square. Liz and I both had our cards read. As far as what the lady said to me, she hit it on the head. Seriously, she said many things that were true. Married 3 times, 3rd one is my soul mate. Hello Andrew. I was meant to have 8 children. I have 7 and also had one miscarriage. She said a few other things that made me feel good and I love that she ended by telling me to pray to God, my higher power, or what you may call it for all the answer I will ever need. Sunday was FREEZING cold like awful. We all woke up feeling pretty crappy and my body ached like never before. We still managed to enjoy ourselves. Good time were had with good friends. Next girls trip. Sitting on a beach. I leave you with a few more pictures.

Sunday we did a carriage tour, in the freezing cold, to the Garden district.

Our courtyard at our hotel.

My framed photo.

I love this photo. Bourban street from the balcony at Fat cat.

Peace Love and Good times!

Sunshine stay a while. We like you!

2010-03-18T13:20:00.000-07:00

The sun has been shining all week. I love it! No more snow, I love you snow but seriously please stay away for a while! Plus the rain ended on Monday, it rained for 3 days...or was it 4? Whatever it was to many days. And then the beautiful sunshine came out and has been here for a few days. So nice to have you visit, please make yourself at home and stay a while. It has been simply beautiful outside the past few days. Perfect actually. Not to cold, not to hot, right in the middle. Happy happy weather! Its wonderful to be able to take my kids outside now. House= blah Outside= WONDERFUL HAPPY KIDS!

So Andrew is the president of our HOA board and is working with the other member on getting a play ground put in across the street for our community. He met with the builders on Tuesday and it looks like we will have our playground maybe by the end of April. So no more kids playing in the street and no more splinters due to the awful exercise thingy that is there now. Very excited about this

as I am sure most the community is.

Tuesday evening Andrews Mom, sister Carolyn, and Brother Ben came over for a talk. Which went very very well.I happy how everything turned out. Andrew went and grabbed Carolyns kids before her hair appointment so they could have some play time with their cousin, Leia and Ivy. Some crying was had from Cooper but all in all it was a fun time for the kiddos!

Yesterday after we got Leia off to school Ivy and I headed to Wal- Mart to buy some cards and gift cards for the kids and their Mom. I must say when I moved to Virginia I was shocked at how horrible the wal marts were kept. Trash in the aisle, everything in disarray. All the Wal-Marts I had been to in Oklahoma and Arkansas were well kept and beautiful. But the wal-Mart I went to yesterday was awesome. The totally remodeled it and now its all spic and span. I'm still a target

girl but I will no longer dread going to Wal-Mart. Also I found some really good deals on toys and such.

After Wal-Mart we went and picked Leia up from school and headed over to pick up Brandi and Christian for some lunch and wandering around at RTC. I love RTC it was one of the first places my sister took me when I moved here so its kinda special to me. Great for people watching and it really is just a beautiful place. We had a yummy lunch at Rio Grande which I must say has the best salsa, to me anyway. After some yummy food we ordered some sopapillas. I love these things so much. Best dessert ever. Both the girls really enjoyed them to. I tore little pieces up for Ivy and she went to town. The girls did amazing all during lunch, which they always do when we go out to eat.

Then we headed out to the big square, the square shoots water everywhere in the Summer months fun for the kids to run around in, and let the kids run around while Brandi took some pictures. Famous

photog she shall be some day! The kids had a blast and really enoyed the big fountain in the middle of RTC. I kept waiting for Leia to fall in or jump in. But thank goodness neither happened. So yes yesterday was fun filled day. And it was nice to finally be able to be out front to meet all the neighbors as they came home from work. I have really missed getting to hang out with everyone after work. Adults chit chat and all the kids run themselves ragged.

Now off to get myself packed and ready for New Orleans. I am sure going to miss my girls. I am not going to miss all the whining though!

Heres to warmer weather and the really awesome neighborhood we live in. Looking forward to making memories in the warm and awesome weather!

If you judge people, you have no time to love them. - Mother Theresa

2010-03-17T16:45:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about how to write this post for a while now. It's not a easy post for me to write for many reasons. One being I don't want to say anything negative about anyone as I don't want to have any effect on how opinions are made of someone. Its not my place to alter the way someone may view another. Everyone should be given the chance to make their own opinion and how I feel about someone should not interfere with that. I am not sure who all reads this but I don't want to have a negative impact on four special someones out there.

Secondly, for my own selfish reasons, I don't want to be judged. I live my life and try to instill in my girls how judging another is wrong. I strongly believe that you can never truly understand a person unless you have walked in their shoes. Therefore we should not judge. People change and should be given the chance to prove they can change. Do I make the mistake of judging people. Yes I do. How do I right this wrong? I do not walk away from this person or turn my back. I take the time to get to know them, understand them, and love them. That is why I am here. Not to hate but to try and love everyone I come in contact with.

There are other reasons but they don't really matter. I will say that who I am today is someone I am very proud of. I still have room to grow, as we all do. But for the most part I love who I see in the mirror. I care for most everyone I come into contact with and would do just about anything for my friends and most other people. I have made many many mistakes in my life. Instead of stewing in self pity and self hate over some things I have done I took every experience I have had and grew from them. Made myself a better person, picked up the pieces and put myself back together again. I am who I am and I am proud of that mistakes and all.

Instead of typing out everything I will just copy a email I sent out to Andrews family, my family too. It explains all pretty well. Only one sentence has been removed, because like I said if Shawn, River, Cherokee or Garrett are reading this I don't want them to hear any ill words about their Father. He did love them very very much.

When I moved here 8 years ago I was pretty much a broken person. In the 7 years before I moved here I had a very hard life. We lived in what America considers to be poverty. Being homeless, eating out of dumpsters to survive, bouncing from here to there never knowing what the following day would bring. It wasn't like this everyday but most of the time. There where many times we had no roof over our head and the outdoors were our home. It was a very tough way to live and I had no family support at the time. I had burned that bridge for a while. Not all of this was my ex husbands fault. I made many mistakes myself. If it had not been for my stepsister I don't know where I would be or the person I would have become. She saved my life and helped me heal some deep wounds.

Anyway in those 7 years I had 4 children. My sister helped me see that the best choice for them was to give them a new home. So I put them up for adoption. My only stipulation before signing my rights away was that they all stay together. The only constant they had had in their short lives was each other. On March 9th their new family found me and we have talked. I have spoken with them, their new Mom, and a two of their older sisters. They want to take things slow but would like me to be a part of the children's lives. Meaning, we can send letters and gifts to each other, talk on chat on the computer, and see each other on webcam once a month. Nothing more for now, which I totally understand. I spent 4 and a half hours on the phone with their mother on Sunday and she is truly an amazing person. She has given them the life that I have hoped they had for many many years.

I know this a lot to process and that some of you will have many questions. I have no problem answering them no matter how invasive or hard you may think the question is. So please feel free to ask me whatever you like. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Anyway this is my story. I have had a lot of people ask me what is going on and we have already told our close friends (a lot of which already knew) and our family. I love all of my children more than any words could describe. I gave them up for them not for me. It was the hardest decision I ever made and there has NOT been a day that has gone by that I have not thought of them. I always knew I made the right choice and when I saw their pictures I got to SEE that I made the right choice. They are amazing, their family is amazing, and the way God has worked in all of our lives is also truly amazing. He brought my heart peace on March 9th and for that I will always be truly grateful.

Tired but wonderful.

2010-03-16T08:49:00.000-07:00

So I have been one exhausted lady with everything that has been going on around here. I will be so tired I am just positive I will hit the pillow and be out! Not so much. Thats when my brain decides it wants to work. because working during the day, when I need it, makes no sense, right? So yeah my mind starts acting like a trapeze artist. Twirling and whirling and just being all freakish in its twirly madness.

Anyway- Friday was a slow and zombie sort of day. I have really no memories regarding that day, except going to Brandi and Johns house so they could go out on a date for Brandis 30th Birthday! Then coming home, and again NOT sleeping. Woe is me, right!

Saturday I had a mini spa day planned with my dear friend Misty. I don't do these often, in fact I think I have only had 2 spa days my entire life. It was wonder. We both had facials, manis and pedis. I really need to go more often to have my face rubbed. Problem is I always something that makes way more sense to spend my money on. This spa day was from a lot of very dear friends. YAY gift cards! While I had my spa day Andrew enjoyed lunch at CiCis with the girls and is sister and bro in law.

Later that evening I met up with the ladies at Reston Town Center for a birthday dinner for Brandi. The we headed back to their house to celebrate some more. Much fun was had and many yummy drinks!

Sunday was a chill day with the kiddos. ivy is now pulling herself up and gets quite tickled with herself when she does so. Too cute. I am awaiting all the bumps and bruises. She had her first face plant yesterday. Stood up then fell into the entertainment center. Many many tears and anger was had by her. But luckily she only got a very small little red spot from it.

Sunday night I hit the bed at 9 and was out like a light. All weekend I had been anxiously awaiting a call and had finally given up and gone to bed. I prayed for patience and handed it over to the lord. He was in charge after all. 10:30 Andrew came and woke me. The phone call had arrived. It was by far the second best phone call of my life. The lady on the other end was just amazing. Kind, loving, caring, and a true blessing from God, for many people. I am happy she has become a part of my life and look forward to seeing how our relationship grows, as I also look forward to how my relationship grows with these 4 amazing kids in this picture. Four hours later I went to bed and woke up feeling so much lighter.

More to come later. Also, I finally slept 10 hours last night!

Focus back.

2010-03-12T10:59:00.000-08:00

I seem to have lost my focus a bit on updating this here blog. I will try and do better. I do have a good excuse though. This past week has been a whirlwind filled with closure and new beginnings. The 9th I was blessed with truly amazing gift which I am not going to share now. I know a lot of you are going nuts about what is going on. I have shared with some of you what that is. I'm not ready to share with everyone yet. I need to have some clarifications first. When I do make the post to share with everyone it will be a long post. Anyway wonderful things have happened here in the Danforth house. No I am NOT pregnant, that won't ever happen again. Keeps us all in your prayers. I am exhausted but on could 9!

Now about the kiddos. Ivy is getting around really well these days. This seems to have made her a much happier baby. She isnt exactly crawling, I'm not really sure what I would call what she is doing, but she gets where she wants to go. Also, the screech owl seems to have retired a bit. Her inner owl comes out every now and then but not nearly as much as it used to. Thank you GOD! Seriously, horrid noise...She also seems to be getting herself more on a sleeping schedule. Which is nice. Bed no later then 7:30 and up around 7ish the next morning. She also loves to mimic sounds we make. We grunt she grunts, we say DA she says DA. It very cute and quite amusing.

We have also discovered this week she doesnt much care for woodchips but sure loves her some pine cones, tasty tasty pine cones. She is learning to love the grass although at first she was so sure about touching it. Still no teeth, but thats fine as I think she may end up being a bitter.....

Leia is still sassy and cuddly. I am ready for our weather to be warm for more then a few days at a time. Leia loves to be outside painting, running, climbing, walking, all of it. It will be nice when we can spend our afternoons finding fun things for her to do. We did get to have a picnic this week which was nice. Although it was only in our driveway. We set up a blanket sprayed some suntan lotion on and had ourselves a nice little time.

Anyway- I just want to say thank you to my amazing husband who has been sharing in my joy. Who has been supportive and who has never judged me. Everyday I love you more and am so lucky to have you. Thank you for being patient and for understanding with all that has been going on. For taking over

bed time routine and helping with the kids more then you usually do, not that he doesnt help because he is one heck of a Dad that does a lot with the kids, hes just been doing more and letting me be caught up in all this amazingness. (Idunno if thats a word but whatever I like it!) I love you babe. You are truly outstanding.

Also thanks to a amazing family out there who has touched me more then i could ever put into words. I am glad to have you guys in my life. Much love.

Okay, now I must get my house back in order! Oh, thanks to some very dear friends near and far for all of your amazing support!

Sick days.

2010-03-08T17:11:00.000-08:00

Most of last week was spent being sick. First Ivy was sick, very sick and very cranky. Then I got sick. Such fun was had. Instead of writing a long blog post, as with my Mommy brain I seem to have forgotten a lot of what went to. I will just do a short re-cap.

Had a playdate with Christian and his Mommy 2 days last week. One of those days they came here for lunch and play time. I did a lot of rolling around on the floor complaining about how crappy I felt. On another day I picked Brandi up and we went and had breakfast at Virginia kitchen. Great little hole in the wall breakfast joint. Then took them home and went

and picked Leia up from school then did more complaining about feeling like butt. We had a lovely dinner with the Martinez family at On The Border then headed home to veg out.

For the weekend we had a birthday party, for Gavin, on Saturday. A swim party at cub run. I think Leia was overwhelmed by how loud it was so she really didn't want to swim around much. While we were there she did have a great time. That night I headed out to dinner with my friend Jen for her birthday. We went to Texas De Brazil, meat faucet. Its a lot of meat!Good time were had. Plus many drinks.

Sunday we went to pick our car up at fair oaks mall, because i wont drive if I have had more then 2 drinks, then we headed to have dinner at Rio Grande. Yes, I love me some mexican food! Afterwards we treated ourselves to some Ben and Jerrys.

Even though I felt really bad most of the weekend I still managed to enjoy myself. My highlight was dinner with my family and then ice cream. Fun times were had!

Ivy beat Leia up....

2010-03-02T18:24:00.000-08:00

Not really but thats what that make-up job looks like. Leia has become bery interested in make-up here recently. She used to always get into my make-up drawer and once i got tired of that I dug through all my make-up and found some that I never use and put it in a bag for her. So now she has her own make-up to play with and can keep her grubby little paws off mine! ;-) ;-) This is what she looked like after she put her war paint on. I humored her and let her do my make up too then promptly forgot she had done it and went and checked the mail....No one saw me. Yup shes like her Momma anad into the make-up at a early age. I can remember doing the same thing with my Moms make-up.

Today I took Leia to get her first real hair cut. real as in we went to a actual place instead of our kitchen. She did AWESOME. Sat still, turned when she was asked and didnt move a muscle. Ivy laid in her carrier and chilled as she wasnt feeling to well but better then yesterday. After we got Leias hair cut we headed over to the cafe and had sandwiches. Just me and my girls. Lovely time and lots of me saying"Leia take a BITE!" "My goodness Mom I WILL!" Ugh she is sassy!

After we ate we called Miss Shelley to see if we could drop her off some dinner I had made for her and her family. I told Shelley that we wer by the GIANT (grocery store) and we would be there shortly. This is how the convo went with Leia after I hung up.

Leia- Mom wheres the giant?
Me- It's right there Leia. (Me pointing to the store)Its a grocery store
Leia- Does it say FE FI FO FUM?

I love the things that come out of her mouth. I can't wait until I will have 2 little girls saying cute and silly things.

The picture of Leia and Ivy is from over the weekend when Leia informed me she wanted to pierce Ivy's ears. I was concerned at first until I realized she meant with clip ons. Ivy sat real still and didn't seem to mind. We had a little trouble at first as Ivy kept wanting to touch Leia's face. Leia doesn't want ivy touching her face as her hands are usually "gross" slobbery.

Today was a good day and now I have a sick husband upstairs and in bed and a still sick Ivy. She was much better today and fingers crossed she is better tomorrow. Also heres to hoping this sickness passes me and Leia by.

Catch up...

2010-03-02T06:32:00.000-08:00

Friday after school Leia's teacher Miss. Shelleys husband brought Leia home from school along with Benny, Leia's best boy. Even though I was a single parent I find adding another kid, Leia's age, to the mix make it much easier. I'm able to get stuff done as Leia is entertained with her friend and not counting on me to entertain her all day!

Leia has become fond of the computer, as has Benny. The spent a good 20 minutes playing around on the computer which then turned into a spinning, tickling, giggle fest. I love the sound of toddlers giggling like there is no care in the world!

Ivy did a bit of her usual worrying about new people when Benny got her. She quickly got over that. Benny kept telling her , "Its okay Ivy." and giving her hugs and kisses. Having Leia and Benny running around entertained Ivy. She joined in the giggling a few times and would get all bouncy. My guess is she is ready to be moving like them. She wants to join in the adventures only children can have. But for now she is stuck on the sidelines, watching. At least her screech owl ways where to a minimum Friday!

Saturday Andrews family were having a get together. Tamara by day 6 had reached her stress level and was at code red. Leia had been up a LOT the night before coughing and I assumed she was getting sick. Ivy, when awake, was on double screech owl duty. I mean pretty much non stop. This seriously gets to me like no amount of whining, fit throwing, or crying ever has! Good thing is she slept until 10:30 that morning then took a 3+ hour nap. I thought nothing of it and just assumed she was very tired, boy was I wrong.

So basically with my mood and Ivy being not at her best, plus Leia being extra whiney due to coughing half the night we decided to stay home. Andrew flights kept getting delayed and didnt make it home until 1ish instead of the 9ish that was supposed to be.

Sunday! ANDREW IS HOME AND I GET TO SLEEP IN! Oh this was a happy day. The girls both were very happy to see him and Ivy woke up sick. Snotty and coughing. She started feeling worse as the day moved on. Leia has been sleeping on her floor, or our floor, instead of in her bed. We figure this has to do with her toddler bed being to small or maybe uncomfy? So we headed out to look at toddler beds. No luck yet. We had breakfast at Mimis. LOVE mimis! Then headed home to watch the Olympics Canada/USA hockey gold medal game. Good game. We did not win!

Monday was a school day. Did some grocery shopping and had a very sick and cranky baby. She was like a snot faucet. And wanted to be held and comforted most the day

which I didnt mind. Ivy isn't the most cuddly baby Leia is our cuddler. The happiest she was during the day was when Leia and I gave her a menthol bath in the kitchen sink. She loved this and seemed to feel much better afterwards. Also when Ivy is sick so is the screech owl. Maybe he will move on now? I hate when my children are sick because its not something I can fix with a hug or a kiss. It makes me feel a bit helpless not to mention it makes me worry, I have a very overactive imagination. My beautiful Ivy Rose, screech owl or not I sure hope you feel better soon.

Ah crap all the days are running into each other...

2010-02-25T15:22:00.000-08:00

Yesterday after dropping Leia off at school Ivy and I headed over to Susie and Chloes for a play date. Also for a bagel with peanut butter. Seriously who knew those two thing would be so darn yummy! I have known Chloe since she was 6 months old and now she is like a little girl. So full of spunk and sass. I like kids with sass. Unless they are mine and I have been dealing with their sass by myself for four days then the sass can get a bit old. But other then bring on the SASS! Miss. Chloe is full of it.

Yeah thats Ivy screeching. Susie touched her or looked at her. Something. Maybe she got to close. Whatever it is she so needs to get over it. Love her, but my gah she can drive you nutty with her screeching and crying. She did get a kick out of watching Chloe run around and liked playing with new toys. Well she liked it as long as I was right there breathing down her cute little screech owl neck!

After picking Leia up we headed home and chilled until around 4:30 when we headed to see one of Leias best buddies Sarah.

I forgot to take picture so this is a picture from when I had them over here. Leia and Sarah have gone to school together since they were 18 months old. Leia hasn't seen her in a while and has been asking about her A LOT! So Cassis had mentioned she was going to take a cab to the airport and I offered to give them a ride. We figured we would head over early to give the kiddos some time to play. Leia was quite pleased to see her buddy and they had a lot of fun. Also Sarahs baby brother Callen who is a few months younger then Ivy looks like a baby sumo wrestler! Chunky babies are just to cute!

So after play time we took them to the airport, they ended up missing their flight.

I felt bad and hope it wasnt my fault since I didnt take the toll road.

But she was able to get them a flight early this morning. I hope they made that flight! After getting home our neighbor Tracy

came over for dinner. Nothing fancy. Needless to say yesterday was a busy day and I was ready for bed when it finally came!

Oh, I forgot to mention. Andrew set up something on his Iphone so it would do a live stream, I think thats what its called, so Leia and I could go to some web address and see him. He then called us from his friends phone so we could chat and see him. Leia was sooooo happy to see her Daddy. She spent a lot of the time yesterday talking about it. She has also asked a few times, "Can I see Daddy on the puter now?"

Oh, my geeky husband and his mad tech skills. I don't even know if that sentence is right as I know nothing about the "puter"

Today was a chill day. I was didnt sleep real well and was feeling quite lazy. Around 12ish Leias friend Christian and my dear friend Brando came over for lunch.

The kiddos did lots of playing and a bit of back talking to each other. I found it to be quite amusing to watch. Leia wanted to be in charge of rather Christian was happy or mad. He was not okay with this.

"Christian you are MAD!" "Huh. honey I'm happy you need to back off with that mad stuff!" Leia loves her Christian. When it was time to go she was all about the kissing which he wanted NOTHING to do with. There for a minute she was chasing him around "Christian I want to kiss you/hug you." To which he said "Hmph, no hug!" Too cute! She was sad to see him go and did a bit of crying.

So, Ivy is at her screech owl best and Leia is informing her that she is being annoying which causes Ivy to do a bit of laughing then more of that god awful screeching. So I am off to find ear plugs and to kiss Ivy's pretty little face. Hard to screech when someone is kissing you, at least I hope so!

Andrew and Tamara Danforth

2010-02-24T19:19:00.000-08:00

So let me first explain that I had a really hard time with this post. I am like a preschooler learning to tie my shoes when it comes to computer stuff. Picture screech owl Ivy with a bottle of wine. That was me tonight. All our wedding picture are on Andrews computer and for some reason i couldnt get internet to work on there. After a few tantrums, talking to a friend and my husband I finally found a CD and just copied pictures I wanted, something I have never done and am proud I NEW how to do, then copied to my computer. Now here we are 3 glasses of wine in and many many wedding pictures! Getting here took me a good 2 hours!

Four years ago today I said yes to amazing man who would become a amazing father to our children. We booked two private rooms at Maggianos invited about 50 of our dearest friends and said our I do's. It was a very intimate ceremony with a family style dinner. My sister married us and my niece was our flower girl. It was beautiful and by far one of the greatest days of my life.It was simple, stress free, and and beautiful. We had a quick ceremony then had drinks in the other room while they set up dinner tables in the room we had been married in.

My Dad gave one of the funniest speeches I have ever heard, my husband was more handsome then any man I had ever laid eyes on. My sister did a amazing job of marrying us. It was simply perfect and beautiful. One of the best choices I ever made in my life was marrying Andrew and although we have our ups and downs he has been one of my best blessing.

I hope that some day my girls will find a wonderful husband like their Daddy. He has been my rock, my best friend, someone I can always count on.

My life has had a lot of ups and downs. But the place I am in now was worth every bad thing that happened in my life and I would do it all again to be where I am now. I am a very lucky person and my heart goes out to those who have not been quite so lucky.

Andrew- Thank you for being the man you are. Thank you for dealing with me when I have my downs and thank you for celebrating my ups with me. You are a amazing husband and father and me and the girls are very lucky to have been given you. I know we have had our rough times but you are always deep in my heart. You have changed, or made me want to change, into a better person. I have learned so much from you and have grown to be a better person because of you and your support and acceptance of me and everything I am.

You have made me laugh,you have made me cry, you have made me feel a array of emotions and I thank you for every moment. Even the bad. Because with out the bad the good doesn't seem quite so good. And how would WE grow without a few bad moments.

I look forward to the years we will share together. The struggles we will face as husband and wife. Watching our girls grow together. But most of all I look forward to us. Seeing what we will become together. I love you babe and dont you ever forget it!

Come here and let me give you a kiss!

All the single Moms...

2010-02-23T13:13:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was day one of the six days of being a single Mommy. Andrew left very early to go to the airport to catch his flight to Jackson Hole Wyoming. Lucky guy will be skiing for 6 days with one day for snow mobile riding. I am very very jealous! I am sure he will have a wonderful time and I know we will all miss him here.

The day went great yesterday. I got the girls up and Leia to school on time. Did some grocery shopping, laundry, and some cleaning around the house. Then we went to pick Leia up. Ivy was great the entire morning. Then

after nap she spent most the afternoon doing this god awful,ear splitting, make my ears stop bleeding, can I bash my head into the wall to make the pain in my ears stop SCREAM SQUEAL thing. Its horrible. Its high pitched it hurts and I cant wait till she learns her words and stops using this horrible torture as her way to communicate. Its so bad that it makes me WANT to leave her site just so she will do a normal cry. Ugh..Other then this she was great!

Around 6 ish we headed over to my neighbor,Karens

house for pizza and to let the kiddos play. Karen's hubby is in Vegas right now so she also is a single Mommy for a few days. Leia was not pleased when it was time to go. They had a lot of fun running around and playing in the bathroom. What is it with kids and wanting to play in the bathroom? Anyway they spent a lot of time playing in the bathroom. They also had this new Wii game that involves dancing and twitching around. Leia didn't want to play but Annabelle and Tommy kept us quite entertained.

While we were walking home Leia kept asking about Daddy while I kept telling Ivy to stop making my ears bleed. So when we got in I gave Daddy a call and let her talk. She was quite the jabber jaw. At one point she said "Daddy, you need to get money and bring me some M n M's." I don't think she gets that he is not at work but gone on vacation. Either way she was over the moon with getting to talk to her Daddy. Both kids went right to bed and I joined them at about 10. I hope the rest of the week goes this well. Except for the screech owl that has taken over Ivy, he can get out now!

Leia and her favorite man.

Melissa.

2010-02-23T08:11:00.000-08:00

I would like to introduce you to my friend Melissa. Melissa and I grew up together in Las Vegas and met through our church, First Southern Baptist. Her father was a missionary and from what I remember a very quiet and loving man. Her Mother was a nurse who helped our preacher and his family with his battle with cancer. So she was raised in a family that gave back to a LOT of people and she is still giving. Melissa grew up with a very strong faith in God and as far as I know her faith has never faltered. She went to college at Okalhoma Baptist and soon married her husband Cody who is now a preacher in Mulvane Kansas. I was lucky enough to hear one of his sermons last year.

They have 2 beautiful girls after many struggles to have them. Thier faith in God amazes me to no end.

Every Summer Melissa does mission work in Uganda. She goes to build libraries in villages. To teach the word of God and live with these amazing people for a few weeks. My guess is Melissa learns just as much from them as they do from her. Needless to say her work amazes me. Some of these children have never read a book till Melissa comes with her other

mission friends and builds these Libraries. They spend months taking book donations to give to these people. Then spend many many hours building the library. Lots of love, living, caring and faith, on both sides.

Last time Melissa was there she visited a orphanage and this is where she met Mercy. At first sight she new that this little girl was part of her family. Love at first sight you could say. This is where all of you come in. As most of you may know adopting out of country is expensive and not the

easiest thing to do. They are working with lawyers here and there to bring this little girl home. They have all of there paper work done here and are all set to bring her to her new home. The life Mercy would have here is the life that every child needs. She will have two amazing and supportive parents. Two sisters that are already deeply in love with her. Mercy
will grow to know the meaning of love, caring, doing for others, and the power of God. If you haven't already clicked on any of the links while reading this post please take a few moments and visit their blog.
I can not stress enough just what a amazing person

Melissa is. I am so blessed to have her in my life and I have learned so much through her faith. She has helped me to discover something I thought didn't exist for me anymore. If it hadn't been for Mercy and Melissa I don't know if I would ever found my faith again. Im not completely there but I am getting there. And I couldn't be happier. Funny how a BLOG can help someone....So please go read and if prayers all you can do to help them that will be just enough for them.

Feel free to email me at tamara.danforth@gmail.com if you have any question or would like to know how to get in contact with Melissa herself.

Jackson (hole) swim.

2010-02-22T08:41:00.000-08:00

Yesterday our friends, one of the guys Andrew is going to Jackson hole with and his wife and daughter, from Winchester were at the Westin. They invited us to come over and go swimming in the hotels pool. Leia had a blast swimming around and learned a very valuable lesson. Dont run around the pool area. She was okay but very embarrassed. We spent good hour or two swimming and talking. It was nice to sit in the hot tub and have a ice cold beer. Leia wasnt allowed in the hot tub but enjoyed sitting on the side and putting her feet in the bubbles. She did lots of swimming with Daddy or I and had a lot of fun playing with Delaney. Ivy sat on the side lines or in our

laps and watched the fun take place. I really need to invest in a swim suit for her or find the million I know I have somewhere in a very safe place. Heaven forbid someone break in our house and try to steal swim suits. YOU WILL NEVER FIND THEM. If you do let me know where they might be...We plan to get Leia in swim lessons in March. Fingers crossed it goes better then the last time we tried this oh so brilliant idea!

After swim time fun we ran home showered and changed the headed to RTC for dinner at Jackson's. Leia was really tired and not completely on her A game as she normally is when we go out to dinner. It may have also had something to do with having Delaney there to play with. She wasn't bad but not her best. Ivy on the other hand was being quite cute sitting in her high chair. She started this head bobbing thing last night that kept us all laughing for a while. Not sure what she was doing but looked like some kinda gangsta move, or maybe baby head banging? What

ever it may have been it was good entertainment for our meal. I had some grilled shrimp with a orzo salad that was very tasty. Ivy was even able to share the salad with me. It was a lovely day and busy, as I like my weekends to be. It was also nice to see the Webb family. Even though Andrew and Bill work together I dont get to see Krystal nearly enough. I am looking forward to spending 4 days with her New Orleans!

Afetr dinner we headed home so Andrew could get himself packed for Jackson Hole. Yes, Andrew likes to wait till the last minute to pack it drives me a tad bit bonkers. Anyway he got packed and left at 6 this morning. Can't wait to see pictures of his ski/snow mobile trip and wishing him a wonderful time. Oh, and no running into any trees, sir!

Shear Notti...

2010-02-21T10:42:00.000-08:00

Last night Andrew and I headed to D.C. to celebrate our fourth anniversary. I get so giddy when I know we are going into DC. This city is rich with history and the architecture is just beautiful. So much to see and do and I love that we are so close to it. I don't think I could ever get enough of this remarkable city.

After we dropped the girls off at Grandmas house in Arlington we headed to Notti Bianche for a lovely dinner. I had the mushroom risotto. So yummy! All i could think about while eating it was what would Gordon Ramsey think of it? What he approve? I sure did. This restaurant was a hole in the wall place. It had a romantic basement type of feel to it. Instead of a OMG I am going to die basement type of feel to it. It was beautiful and I highly recommend going here. Like I said its a hole in the wall so a bit

hard to find. But soooo worth the search.
After dinner we headed to the Kennedy Center to see Shear Madness which is supposedly the longest running show at the Kennedy center. I would have to say the Kennedy Center is one of my favorite building in DC. The people watching is great and the inside of this building is gorgeous. I also love the arts so I feel so at home here and in awe of all the goings ons here. The show was really good. Kind of a murder mystery that gets the audience involved. I was actually referred to as Nancy Drew by one of the actors as I screamed out a piece of info that ended up being useless. But fun none the less. The

show was full of up to date comedy, even some Tiger Woods bits. I am sick of Tiger Woods gossip but they made it fun! Once again I highly recommend this show if you are ever looking for something to see at the Kennedy center. I also noticed while there that Hamlet will be showing in March. This is a MUST for me but not sure if I can get Andrew on board for that one. I am sure I can find someone to drag to it though. It will be showing in the Opera House which the most breath taking place in the Kennedy center. Makes you feel like you have gone back through time. Plus the People watching there is fun!

So that was our 4th wedding anniversary celebration. I have to say it was the best so far. Although we are in the talks of maybe going to Vegas for 4-5 days for our 5th and I think that just may beat out DC. Theres no doubt that good time times a million will be had there! Thanks babe for a most wonderful time last night!

Girls night + Tiffany

2010-02-20T08:59:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a good and slow day. After school the girls and I hung out at home and just chilled. Ivy is going through some stage where if you aren't within her line of vision she cries. Needless to say this makes for getting anything done very hard. It took me a hour just to put one load of laundry away. While this phase is quite frustrating it shall eventually pass...I hope. At least when she can see you she is full of smiles, laughter and cuteness.She really is so much fun to watch with her LOOK AT ME personality!Still no crawling but she is doing quite a bit of backward scooting. Wiggle worm!

Even though what she is usually trying to scoot to is in front of her.

If I knew how to post a video I would post one of her new favorite game. Drop the pillow on my face. Not sure why she likes this so much but it sure gets her to kicking and squealing with delight! Must figure out how to post videos. I sure have a lot of cute ones!

After Andrew got home from work my dear friend Casey came and picked me up and we headed to Copper Canyon grill for dinner. Jen met us there and lots of laughter was had. I seriously had the best steak ever. I ate every bite of it. I always have a great time with Jen and Casey and wish I was able to see them more. I planned this last minute so I was happy they were able to meet up. Andrew is going out of town soon for 6 DAYS and I really wanted to have a night out with my ladies before then. Thanks girls!

So when Andrew got home from work he informed me he had a anniversary gift for me but i couldn't have it. Well, that didn't work out for him. Never tell a lady you have a gift for her but that she can't have it yet because she will get it. So he went out to his car and came in with a little blue bag with a little blue box inside. What girl doesn't like the little blue box? I love it and am very lucky to have such a great hubby who knows how to shop! Thanks babe its beautiful!

Technically our anniversary isn't till the 24th but he will be on a ski trip that day so we are celebrating early. I gave him his gifts on Wednesday. It being our 4 year anniversary and me never knowing what to buy as he buys everything he wants for himself. I went with the traditional 4the year gifts ideas. 4 years = fruit and flowers. Hmph...I was stumped at first. Then I had a a edible fruit bouquet sent to him at work. Then had a pretty little "outfit" with flowers for him at home, or for me, whatever, this is already to much info for all you readers. Needless to say he was just as happy with his gifts as I was with mine. So even though he wont be here for our actual anniversary its already been a great celebration and I look forward to the years to come.

Stabbing the ears of a toddler.

2010-02-18T11:44:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was Leia's first day back at school after way to long! I had BIG plans on all the things I was going to get done around the house but alas Ivy still hates me.... Leia was beyond overjoyed with getting to go see all of her friends. It was also Valentines day at school. Which meant party. I was happy that there didn't seem to be to much candy in her card bag just a lot of cute cards and a few candy pieces! She was excited to have me read all her cards to her and is still having fun with all of them.

I picked Leia up and we brought her "best boy" Benny home with us for some play time fun. They had Popsicles (I hate this word as I never know how to spell it!) watched about 30 minutes of TV, did puzzles, but the best time they had was going crazy with Mr.Hopperton. Let me take a moment to explain this picture to the left. Leia and Benny are looking under the couch for Mr. Hopperton. If you look up by Benny's head you can see two furry bunny ears. I wanted to get a picture before I told them to look up. When I told Benny to lift his head and look up he squealed and scampered and vibrated away from the bunny. Don't worry he was giggling the entire time. It was quite a funny site to see and I laughed so hard I nearly tinkled in my panties! Anyway they both had a lot of fun with Mr. Hopperton and I really think he had fun chasing them around. (Seriously it was like he was really chasing them!)

Today I woke before everyone else in the house, which was wonderful! Got myself ready then got the girls ready and we headed to Mimis to meet Susie and Chloe for Breakfast. I love this restaurant. (Thank you Karen!) Its not expensive and you get so much yummy breakfast food!! The girls did great as usual and Ivy and Chloe had fun passing stuff back and forth to each other. After breakfast we headed over to the mall to get me a nice pair of pants (I have lost so much weight my other pants dont fit anymore, this is a complaint!) to wear for our anniversary celebration on Saturday. Thank you Susie for all your help with the girls!

Then we headed to get Leia's ear pierced. She has been asking me for a while if she could get her ears pierced like Mommy and Avery. She also asks if she can get her nose pierced like Mommy's. So we went and got her ears stabbed. She did so awesome. She had a delayed reaction after the first ear was stabbed. It took her a good 5 seconds before the tears started but she didn't stop the lady from doing the other one. I could tell she was embarrassed for crying because she whispered in my ear "Mommy I cried..." To which i told her there was nothing wrong with that as I cried to when my ears where pierced.

She stopped after that. At which time I asked "Do you want to get your nose pierced now?" "No Mommy..." Now she is sooo happy and can't stop feeling them and looking at them in the mirror.She wanted to stop at daddy's work to show him but we are waiting for him to come home. I have to say it breaks my heart a little bit that my little girl is becoming a big girl. But WOOHOO to getting to buy sparkly stuff to stick in her stabbed ears!

Busy weekend.

2010-02-16T16:57:00.000-08:00

A busy weekend was had. Just like I like em. Saturday we headed out to Aunt Carolyn and Uncle Mikes house to celebrate Coopers 1st birthday. I find it crazy how quickly this year flew by. It doesn't seem that long ago that we were all at the beach and they were telling us they were going to have another baby. I wish time went as slowly as seemed to go when I was a child. Kelly and Leia love each other and always have fun playing. They also seem to enjoy fighting with each other. So there was a lot of that. Oh well. They kind of tend to act a bit more like siblings then cousins. They will grow out of. Other then the two of them being pills off and on it was a great time. It is always wonderful to see Andrew extended family. We don't get to see them a lot and they are really a fun crowd. Happy Birthday Cooper and I can't wait to watch you grow!

Sunday, Valentines Day, I had the bright idea that if we went early we could go to the Cheesecake factory and not have a wait. We got there around 1:30 and had a 45 minutes wait. So we tried Mimis, also a 45 minutes wait. So we settled for Longhorn, that whole experience sucked! So-so food and not very good service. Lesson learned and wont eat there again. Afterwards we headed to the mall so Leia could ride on the train. While there we ran into Alex and Misty. Alex kept wanting to give Leia hugs which she wanted nothing to do. She a little heart breaker. While there I also purchased the second part of Andrews anniversary gift ;-) Good day and was nice to get out of the house.

Monday we met up with our neighbor Susie and her daughter Chloe for lunch at Virginia kitchen. Susie introduced me to this whole in the wall place a few months ago and we now try to go here at least every other week. I really LOVE it. The staff is amazing and the food is just like country cookin! Andrew had Monday off and tried to say we were going to go to Ihop (which he swore he hated till the other day when I made him go, not he loves it!)because he didn't like Virginia Kitchen, His mind was changed as he was our guest. He liked it as I knew he would. After a lovely lunch we FINALLY went to look at our new couch. I wont go into detail about a couch as it would be boring, like this post is becoming. Lets just say it like having a cloud in your living room. Its soft, its pretty, and it all reclines. heaven!

Today was spent getting my house back in order. We had some make-up time, some painting fun, some drawing, and Ivy's physical therapy appointment. Its nice that her PT comes here. Ivy hated just about every minute of it. Lots of screaming and crying, even though the lady wasn't touching her. She did look at her which was SO not okay with Ivy. She said she looks great and will sign her off next visit. She would have signed her off this visit but didn't have her paper work.

Anyway that was our weekend and tomorrow Leia FINALLY gets to go back to school. I am beyond happy about this as I am sure she is too. She misses her friends!

Life begins again!

2010-02-13T08:10:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we finally ventured out. My ability to drive with snow around is hampered by the ability of my mind to freak me out. But after being stuck in this house for so long I figured the hardest part would be getting out of my driveway and also in it. Which getting in my driveway proved harder as it took me a few tries to manage parking.

After the girls were dressed and fed we ventured to toys r us to get a birthday gift for cousin/nephew Cooper, who is one now,(that sure went fast!) and of course a Barbie doll for Leia (me). We got a sister pack of dolls which she now calls Ivy and Leia. I like this game because I get to be the hot blonde Barbie with BOOBS! Although i don't like the clothing she keeps getting forced to wear....After gift buying we headed to Burger King for lunch and some play time in their indoor play place. Leia was a little nervous as there was a lot of big kids in there. Once they were gone she had a blast. At one point a older kid said "be careful of the baby" talking about Leia to which she replied "I AM NOT A BABY I AM A LEIA!!!" She is her own being.

As we were headed home both girls passed out in their car seats. I didn't want to head home as I was quite enjoying the quiet so I gave our friend Miss. Shelley a call and asked if we could drop in and see the fresh baby. I drove slowly because like I said quiet = LOVE. When we got to Shelleys I lugged in the girls and got a gander at Everett. Ivy suddenly seems HUGE. Everett is like the size of Ivy's head. He is just to cute as I find all fresh babies to be. I am proud to say I did not have a twinge for another baby. I think this will make many of you happy! Ivy on the other hand was not as fond of the baby or anyone for that matter. She would not let me leave her side or sight. As long as I was right by her she was chill. It was fun to hang out with big people for a while while Leia got to play with her 'Best boy' Benny. (She has taken to calling her boy friends her best BOYS) And of course Shelley looks great and back to being on the go Mommy! Anywho it was wonderful seeing all of them and I know Leia enjoyed seeing her friends, they even shared the love with a few smacks!

So my sister had offered to babysit so we could use our gift certificate for Texas De Brazil for Valentines day. But of course they had no reservation availability, as I am sure nowhere is going to this close to V-day. So we went to Rio Grande and Cossi early for V-day as a family. It was wonderful and I couldnt have asked for a better V-day. In this picture Leia is telling Daddy "You are the cutest" She LOVES her Daddy! The girls were perfect as they always seem to be when we go out. Ivy enjoyed staring at people and Leia liked flirting with everyone around and scarfing down mass amounts of rice! After dinner we headed to Cossi for smores. I believe this was Leias first smore experience. Even though she was exhausted, it was 8 by this time and way past bed time, she had a ball. She really enjoyed just eating the Chocolate more then anything.

So Valentines day is supposed to be all romantic and about celebrating your relationship with your significant other. I always thought this is what your anniversary was about but I guess not. Anyway, I would much prefer to spend every V-day like this. With my lovely husband and my two beautiful girls. Why celebrate just one relationship when I can celebrate my family. So you can keep your flowers and jewels while I hold my family close and relish the love that is the 3 of them. Yes, this was a good day!

Blah. Blah. Blah. And SNOW!

2010-02-10T14:56:00.000-08:00

(I find the snow drifts to be simply breath taking. I could not stop staring at them, not the wind that makes these can go away now!)

So not much to write about as we are still snowed in because mother nature hates us. School is closed the rest of the week and I fear Leia may just burn the house down just to see some sort of action around here. Yesterday was spent in the kitchen with 6 + hours of cooking. I have to say I made the best chicken tortilla soup that I have ever tasted. After putting 3 hours just into preparing the soup it better be the best. I cooked it in the crock pot for about 7 hours and it was divine.

I also made some pasta salad and chocolate chip pancakes. Leia had a lot of fun helping make the pancakes. And stuffing her face with chocolate chips when she THOUGHT I wasn't looking. Ivy has learned how to spin herself while sitting up to better help her get what she wants. We finally caught her in the action yesterday. Before that it would just be "Hmmmm how did you get turned around?" She is also doing some backward scooting, still no crawling but I am just fine with this! Our neighbors Bob and Jaime, plus one of their friends, came over around 8 to help eat the mass amount of soup I made. We played catch phrase, which caused lots of laughter which was much needed, then we played some Beatles rock band. Good times were had and much needed. Although staying up until after 1 in the morning can cause for some pain the next morning.Today was spent doing puzzles, painting, and movie watching. Leia is bored and ready for the snow to go away. So yeah thats the excitement here so I am just going to post a bunch of really cute pics of my lovely girls.

(Leia in her snow cave Daddy spent 20-30 minutes digging out for her. She stayed in it about 3 minutes!)

Ivy checking out the action outside from the inside where it is warm and toasty.

She is just so beautiful. Snot and all!

Andrew after shoveling. It is quite cold and windy out there.

This is a old picture but I love it. I am very blessed with two beautiful, fun, loving, sassy girls!

My posts are getting really boring. Stupid snow!

2010-02-08T18:21:00.000-08:00

There was a lot of snow shoveling done yesterday and there are a lot of sore people today. I am not one of those, except for a little twinge in my arms. Thank you Leia and Ivy as you were my excuse for not being able to shovel, I HAD to entertain and take care of you, of course! I did do about 5 minutes of shoveling though. Then I took Leia for a little walk while Ivy slept and Andrew did a few hours of shoveling. I did feel bad walking around with Leia to visit the neighbors while they sat and shoveled. Next time I will carry my shovel with me so at least I can help while chatting. Leia didn't much care for the snow and only lasted about 20 minutes outside and then wanted to go back in to watch a movie. She did do a little water color painting of the snow and some "shoveling" of her own. My little girl does not like the cold!

After everyone had a long day of cleaning up from the dump Mother Nature dumped on us we got ready for the super-bowl. I ended up making that amazing chili our neighbor Jaime had made the night before. Seriously best chili ever and I will be sticking with this recipe. After the girls went to sleep we went to the neighbors across the street, with our super duper monitor that lets us know if the girls so much as hiccup! I was very happy that the Saints won. And even more happy that I got to have some really kick ass stuffed mushrooms along with some adult convo that had no screaming or tears involved.

Today the main roads were clear enough to drive on, slowly. We had all been stuck in this house for so long that we really needed to get out. Leia was stir crazy (whiney, cranky, sassy, pure toddler hell), Ivy just liked to sit and scream (make your ears bleed) unless you are holding her, Andrew and I were ready to bury each other in the snow. So we headed to lunch at Ihop then to run some errands. Yup this was our outing for the week and I LOVED every minute of it and my family loves each-other again. All is right in the world! Yes, I said outing of the week, we have another 10-20 inches of snow coming again tomorrow. Which means no school and no driving. Which means more screaming baby and bored toddler. Thank GOD we have amazing neighbors to help keep us all entertained and from going totally stir crazy. I do love our neighborhood and our wonderful friends and feel blessed to be able to call my neighbors my dear friends.

One of the errands we ran today was to get Mr. Hopperton a home. He has been living in our jacuzzi tub since we got him and we were ready for him to have his on place to crap in. While Leia and I put his new cage together Ivy sat RIGHT next to us and SCREAMED like the world was ending because heaven forbid we were only touching her NOT holding her. (She is spoiled and wants to be held at all times or she just hates us...) Her screaming fit caused her sister to look at her and say in her sassy voice "Ivy you are being RIDICULOUS!" I couldn't have said it better myself.

(Frying Pan Park March 2008. A and L)

This picture is just for wishful thinking. I am so ready for a day like this! Also heres to hoping the weather people are very very wrong and we only get a inch of snow tomorrow.....

The quiet after the storm...

2010-02-07T05:36:00.000-08:00

Its very quiet around here as I am awake before anyone else in the family. This is very rare. I kind of enjoy it. They view from my computer is beautiful and the sun is just starting to shine on my face. Theres not a single person outside. Its a peaceful type of alone. I love it. If I had a pause button I would pause time and savor this moment/feeling. Unfortunately thats not how it works so before I know it I will have kiddos who will get this day started. But for now I will enjoy the utter silence except for my fingers making the keys click.

It finally stopped snowing around 4 yesterday, much better then the 10 pm they had predicted for the snowing to stop. Our snow amount total for our area was 26 inches. Thats, uh, a lot of snow. And we are supposed to get more on Tuesday. That first little mound you see in the picture is Andrews VW GTI. Or mount VW. I wonder if I could ski off it?

So 2 days of snowing equals for some serious cabin fever. Leias not a big fan of the snow or the cold so we spent most the day indoors. Daddy went out a few times to shovel while we stayed warm and dry. Lots of movies were watched. Lots of bored sighs were issued. BUT our lovely neighbors had a 'Cabin Fever' party at 5 with all sorts of comfort food. Home-made mac and cheese. My twice baked tater (so NOT good for you) The best chili I think I have ever had, this is saying a lot as I have always said my chili is the BEST. I have passed that torch on. PLUS Leia got to get some kid friendly play time which she really really needed. Since nap time is no longer she is usually very cranky by 5 so she needed some kid time.

Leia standing in from of what used to be my van....Anyway the day yesterday started off very blah like but ended well. Thank god for good neighbors!

Heres to the sun making the snow sparkle and heres to me and my 2 beautiful kiddos who just woke up!

Puke and Blizzards

2010-02-05T17:32:00.000-08:00

Yesterday school was cancelled for Friday for all of Fairfax County, early. This did not cause me much joy. I love Leia but she had had only one day of school this week. I wanted me time, well as much me time as Ivy allows. So I called my sister and asked if I could borrow her daughter Emma, who is 6, to come keep Leia occupied on Friday. We decided to just have Emma spend the night as Meg, my sister, had meeting she had to go to on Friday at stab me in the eye:30.

When Emma got her Leia was out with Daddy helping a friend with his snow blower. They got home around 8:30 at which time not 10 seconds out of the car Leia puked all over the stairs and then all over the kitchen floor. Okay I can handle just about any kind of nasty but NOT puke. I tried my hardest to comfort her but Andrew saw I was having a hard time so he took over while I went and gagged in the kitchen. After he got her cleaned up, he cleaned up ALL of the puke. I will remember this wonderful thing he did next time I want to be mad at him. I was very greatful and all I could think was how would I have cleaned that had he not been here? Leia is perfectly fine. It was car sickness. Poor kid!

So at about 11 this morning SNOWMAGEDDON started. I am really just so over it. I was sooo excited all day yesterday but now I am throughly BORED. I am kind of intrigued to see what it looks like when I wake up in the morning. They are expecting it to be a record breaking snow storm. So it should be interesting. The picture above is of the van at around noon.

This is the van at around 6:30. If it keeps falling the way it is now its going to be crazy in the area for a looong time. My biggest fear is that the power will go out. But my redneck genes has a plan for if that happens. Its involves mass blankets and stove burners and tears....and maybe some wine!

I leave you with a picture of our new family member, Mr./Miss. Hopperton. My sister brought him over today. Leia has finally totally fallen in love with him. We had a little while there were she was interested, from a distance. Now though she can't get enough of him...or her. Its very cute how Ivy can't take her eyes of him...or her. She also kind of grunt at the bunny but if the bunny touches her she cries.

So yeah my post is getting boring. What do you expect its SNOWMAGEDDON out there. Now maybe if it was snowing in HERE i might have more to write about! Cheers and stay warm.................

Snow. Sleep. Less snow. More sleep.

2010-02-03T18:45:00.000-08:00

Today ended up being a fairfax county snow day. I am still trying to figure out why as the streets were perfectly fine. OBVIOUSLY the person who decides that school is supposed to be out A. has no kids and B. likes to mess with exhausted moms! Last night ended up sucking worse then the night before. Imagine that. i find it very very difficult to function with no sleep and 2 kids. especially when one of those kids is a sick baby. I reached a level of misery today that I didn't know existed. YAY parenthood. My level of exhaustion has also led my brain to feel a bit like mushy dumbness. So this post will probably make no sense. ANYWAY snow day. No school for Leia which made me pray for no work for Andrew which would have meant i would get to sleep in then he would get to take himself a looong nap. That didn't happen. I think whoever cancels school should also be in charge of cancelling work! So in my stupor of sleep deprived dumbness I had 2 children to take care of. Waa waaa waaaa you may say, but I am a awful parent when it comes to no sleep 3 nights in a row. I am still patient but I don't feel i do a good job of entertaining them. Lucky for me though my Mommies helper, Aime, came over and helped me from 11:30- 4ish. She told me to go sleep. Of course no sleep happened but I did rest. Then at 5 me and a few friends took her out to dinner as she is heading back to Puerto Rico on Sunday. Not only is she a life saver she is also a very amazing person and she will be missed dearly. My kids love her. I love her. She will be missed.

Yeah so that was my sucky post for the day. Guess who just woke up screaming.......

(Leia and Ivy I promise on your days of exhaustion you can count on me and I promise not feed your kids any candy....on those days anyway ;-) )

The night from H-E double L!!

2010-02-02T15:08:00.000-08:00

Last night sucked, like the worst kinda of suck EVER! I have horrible insomnia so if I wake up most times I can fall back asleep. But if I get OUT of bed and move around I'm screwed for the rest of the night. So getting up with Ivy usually falls to Andrew. Most nights he just needs 3 minutes to get her back to sleep and all is well. I deal with Leia by lifting her into our bed and falling back to sleep. I know bad habit!

Leia had to have gotten up at least 36 times, well maybe 10. Lots of screaming and crying. Wanting to crawl in our bed, wanting us to crawl in her bed. Finally i gave in and let her sleep on a make shift bed on our floor. (Only after Daddy said he couldn't sleep with her in the bed as she kept flailing around) Then of course once she was on the floor she needed water, the fan was eating her hair, she REALLY needed to be in our bed....

Now lets talk about Ivy. She usually wakes up once, stick her nigh nigh (pacifier) in her mouth and she goes right back to bed. (I know another bad habit!) Not last night. Starting at 2:30 She screamed for a good 30 minutes. So I grabbed her brought her to our room and tried to comfort her. She said BITE me on all that comforting and did more screaming. I was positive she had a earache or had decided she hated us and wanted to leave. The she screamed for another 20 minutes or so and finally we gave in and gave her a bottle. Then she went to sleep, at 4.

So I ended up being wide awake and not being able to fall back asleep until 7:15ish. Leia and Ivy decided to wake up at 8, they love me! Today has been alright thanks to mass amounts of Starbucks, doctors appointment (Leias 3 year check up. Shes a peanut, but healthy!)), and going to Target to buy Leia a boy barbie doll (ended up with more then one Barbie, I wanted them Leia didn't care). Now as the day winds to a end I feel myself crashing. My big wish for the evening is that my kids FRICKEN sleep tonight. If they don't you can find me at the hotel down the street! (They totally just upped the amount of candy I am going to feed their kids!)

Grandmom, aunts, uncles, neighbors, OH MY!

2010-02-01T09:26:00.000-08:00

So my baby finally turned 3. While I am excited to see what fun adventures come this year I am also sad. Leia even knew I was going to be sad. She told Andrew the other day, "I am going to be three Daddy and Mommy is going to be sad!" While it is fun to watch them grow I find it bitter sweet when you say goodbye to a age. I do love all the memories that came with that age, most of the memories anyway!It just gets us closer to the teen years something I am not looking forward to.

(My sis Aunt Meg trying to eat a very sick Ivy-Rose)
Watching Leia grow over the past few years has been one of the best adventures of my life. She is full of so much life and laughter. She is also loaded with sass. She has no problem letting you know what she wants or doesn't want. One of my favorite parts of the day is when Andrew Leia and I head up for bedtime routine and we do a bit of goofing off in our bedroom. She taught me the fun of jumping on a bed again, although she lasts a lot longer at this then I do. She is our best entertainment in the evenings. Although sometimes bed time can be a real pain with many many tears plus a lot of anger on her part, and sometimes our! I am always surprised at the things that come out of her mouth and totally smart she is. This morning she said "Mommy, YOU and I are going to go downstairs!" proper little speaker she is!

(Our neighbors Tracy holding Ivy-Rose and Susie holding Damian. Chloe trying to get to the balloon!)
While this year has had so many fun times there have been a few not so fun times. Usually those days end in a hot bath and glass of wine, for me. Like I said she is SASSY and also quite stubborn, where on earth she gets this from I have no idea. Even though her bad days make for a bad day all around I am HAPPY that she is stubborn makes me know she is going to be a very independent lady. Which to me is a good thing. I love that she knows what she wants and wont settle for anything less even if it means she doesn't get dinner that night even though she said she liked what was cooked then promptly changed her mind and DEMANDS candy, which she doesn't get!

(Grandmom Mary and Great Aunt Julie)
Although as every year passes I will have a bit of sadness I really do look forward to watching her grow. I can't wait to see the amazing lady I know she will grow to be. The joy she has brought me so far can not be put into words. I am sure we have our ups and downs but we will make it through them. And for all the bad moments thats just more candy I will feed to her kids 5 minutes before she picks them up ;-) Heres to watching m family grow and saying goodbye to each year as it passes and hello to each new year we celebrate together!

Cheers my little hippie chick I love you very very much my big sassy girl!

29th (33rd) birthday take 2!!

2010-01-31T11:52:00.000-08:00

So after so many kids parties at our house we finally had a adults only party. I decided to skip nap time with Leia so she would be easier to get to bed that night by 8, when the party started. Lucky us it worked and she was out no later then 8:15! Just in time for the fun to start!! We had lots of tasty food and good drinks to drink, besides the jager which I had bought for some friends of ours who ended up not drinking any of it anyway.

Yes we bought the BIG bottles of wine for the evening and of course it was red the birthday girls favorite!!

My brother in law Ben and his girlfriend Jenna.

Jen and me about 5 jagar shots later. She calls this the myspace shot!

Jens surprise face and the lovely Liz who made me a beautiful necklace and earrings!

Yeah Jon is Mr. Sassy!

Brandi and me a tad bit tipsy showing each other the love! Brandi was very sweet and made me some little mini cheesecakes for my birthday.

Yeah she totally rocks!

I agree with this face!

All in all it was a great night. Even the bad singing on rock band and the fun game of catch phrase. I am very lucky to have such amazing friends to have celebrated with and have since learned that my old self just cant hang until 2 AM anymore! Good times good friends and at least the wine was good!

Stuff your face with these!

2010-01-31T08:24:00.000-08:00

So a few people asked me for the recipes for the stuff I made the other night. (This always worries me as my Dad always told me "Whenever you eat at someones house, even if you dont like the food, ask for the recipe. Its polite and makes people feel good!" This is also the man who also tried to learn me to curtsy whenever I met someone new...) So I figured I would post the recipes here for all you many many readers of mine, the 4 of you!

Bean Salsa- This is a really yummy salsa with a lot of flavor! All of these recipes I have had at someone else's party, loved and ASKED for the recipe! Hmmmm....maybe my Dad was right?

1 can pinto beans

1can black beans

1 can black eyed peas

(I have also made it with kidney beans)

1can white shoe peg corn

1 small jar pimentos (chop these well)

1 jalapeno, finely chopped (I use 2 as I like it HOT!)

1c finely chopped green pepper

1c finely chopped celery

1 small yellow onion

1 tsp salt

1/2 tsp pepper

1 TBSP water

3/4 c apple cider vinegar

1/2 c oil

1 c sugar

Drain and rinse beans and corn. In a large bowl, mix together beans, corn, pimento, jalapeno, green pepper, celery and onion.

In a small pan mix, stirring occasionally, until brought to a boil: salt, pepper, water, vinegar, oil and sugar. Let marinade cool and pour over bean mix. Mix well and refridgerate for 24 hours. You can drain it or not. I usually drain some of the juice and leave some. The juice is very very tasty. So drain or do not drain and serve!

So this is a easy recipe and it really is quite beautiful. Lots of colors and lots of flavor! I always double the recipe as it goes really quick. I will post the regular recipe and then add my modifications to it.

1 block cream cheese. Spread evenly on a flat dish. (I have used blocked cream cheese and the whipped cream cheese. Both work well)

2 tablespoons chopped sundried tomatoes in oil. (I do 2 very very heaping tablespoons)

2 tablespoons chopped basil (Again very heaping tablespoons, heck do three if you want)

20 chopped Kalamata olives

1 tablespoon oil from sun dried tomatoes

1/8 teaspoon pepper flakes (I use cayenne and just sprinkle it around)

1 teaspoons apple cider vinegar

Mix all of those together and then spread on top of cream cheese mix. I serve with pita chips but would guess it would be yummy spread on crackers! Also, I have usually just guess on my teaspoon tablespoon size. I dont really think you can go wrong with this recipe no matter how you measure it. Like I said it is very very tasty!

So this recipe has a lot of prep work and I find myself only making it once a year, maybe. I have had people who HATE tune LOVE this. It has so many things in it that you don't get a lot of fishy flavor. This by far is one of the most delicious recipes EVER!

1 LB Tuna (break this up REAL well)

1/4 cup lemon juice

2/3 cup red onion (diced)

1 cup mayo

1/2 cup sundried tomatoes (dice these well)

1/4 cup fresh basil (if you can cut this very fine with scissors if not use knife)

Mix all the above ingredients in bowl well and set aside.

1/2 cup olive oil

1 cup fresh basil

3 TBS pine nuts

4 garlic cloves

1/2 cup fresh Parmesan (Fresh grated Parmesan. Please stay away from the green can stuff ALWAYS!)

Put all this in food processor and mix till its a nice pesto.

1st spread some of your pesto on your bread (I use French but foccacia is also very yummy!) and then a spoonful of your tune mixture on top of your pesto.

So those are a few of my favorite party recipes. I hope you enjoy and happy cooking!

(Party details and pictures later!)

Questions I ask....

2010-01-29T07:02:00.000-08:00

So there are lots of thing I wonder about my Mother. Like what kind of movies did she like? What was her favorite TV show? Did she like to dance? Did she ever drink? Or times I will be having a trying time with the kid, or with life, and wonder how would she have handled this situation. Tami wont go to sleep, what would she do? Tami wont stop asking why about everything. What would she do? Someone is being rude. What would she do? The question will go on and on. I have them many times a day and no way to reach out to my Mother to ask.

I never got to know my Mom through the eyes of a adult. Only through the eyes of a toddler, child, and young teen. I don't think anyone ever really knows their parents until late teens early adulthood. I wasnt given this opportunity as she passed away from breast cancer the October before my 15 birthday. A few things I do know about my Mom was that she was a very strong fighter. She had a huge heart. She would help anyone in need. Her favorite color was yellow. And that she loved me very much, which is probably the most important thing to know about her.

So I figured I would write a post with a few things about me for my girls. I hope they will never have some of the questions I have and that they will get to know me as a woman and not just as their Mother. Just in case though I will post a few of my favorites here and some of my dislikes another time.

Favorites- My favorite colors are green and purple. I love that what ever the season is you will always be able to look out your window and see the color green, well unless everything is covered by snow. I love the shade of purple you see in a sunset.

I love musicals and period movies. I do like a good action flick once in a while. Horror movies are always fun although your father is close to banning them in our household as I always come up with a new rule after watching one. Like the closet door always having to be closed. Thanks "The Grudge". I am not a big fan of sports I prefer the arts. Symphony, opera, musicals, plays, You name it I love it! I do love to ski though. Something your grandfather taught me how to do at a very young age. He could tear up any mountain! Swimming is also something I love. The freedom you feel when sitting in the water is priceless to me.

Lets take a look at this picture to the right. Your Grandmother obviously LOVED sweater vests. Don't worry I am not a fan of the sweater vests and will never make you wear one. Well unless you are bad!

Dancing! Oh does your Mom LOVE to dance. Can I dance? NO! But I sure put forth the effort. Your Dad does not like to dance but has no problem with me going out with my girlfriends for a night of dancing. I'm sure I look a fool out there but I really don't care as it makes me laugh and feel alive in side! So why don't you get out there and shake your booty! Have a glass of red wine while your at at. Something else I also enjoy.

More then anything else I love to spend time with you guys and your Dad. I love doing road trips with you guys. Although at this age you two haven't discovered the fun of these yet. In fact I think you guys may just hate them a little bit. I like watching you do art projects and seeing what creative stuff you come up with. I love cooking and really love when you get in the kitchen with me and 'help' in fact you demand to help which is fine with me. I love watching you sleep and how very peaceful and innocent you guys look. I love when you guys wake up in the morning and I know another adventure has begun. I know I am not the perfect Mom but always know that you guys are very very important to me and hope to be here for you for a very long time. I hope we get to know each other as woman.

(Ivy this is a old picture. I didn't have a picture of the tattoo with your name on it.)

I have many more favorites and I am sure I will share then in future posts. I know the things I listed above aren't really that important but its the little things I always wonder about my Mom. I know I have made a few poor choices in my life that i am sure my Mother would have handled differently. I do know that she would be proud of who I am now. Even though I didn't get to know her as a adult she DID make me who I have become. If it wasn't for her strength, love, and kind ways I would not be who I am today. I love you MOM!